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Top 5 Directors Who Aren’t Doing Star Wars But Would Have Been Awesome…

By Ben Fee

With the announcement that JJ Abrams will be directing the new Star Wars film, geeks everywhere are breathing a collective sigh of relief. Ok, it’s a bit of a lazy choice and we all still remember Alcatraz, Season 3 of Lost and the entire back half of Alias, but he also gave us new ‘Trek, Fringe and Super 8. It could have been much worse.

But if there’s nothing we geeks like more, it’s moaning even when things are going our way. So, with that in mind, allow us to pitch to you five directors who could have done something amazing if Disney had decided to go for someone a little more outside the box…

1. Martin Scorsese

Steve was having second thoughts about going to the fancy dress party as Mr T.
Steve was having second thoughts about going to the fancy dress party as Mr T.

Director of Goodfella, Taxi Driver, Gangs of New York

“As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a Jedi…” and with these lines would start the gritty deathstick-fueled journey of one disaffected youth from the mean streets of Coruscant all the way to the top of the New Jedi Order. Cutting a bloody, foul-mouthed swathe across the universe, together with his 12-year old padawan, Iris, he washes the scum and villainy off the space-sidewalk. Scorsese’s movie would bring back the gritty realistic feel of the earlier Star Wars films with the only downside of alienating 90% of the franchise’s target audience. Contains strong language and scenes of graphic violence.

 

2. Hayao Miyazaki

Like a Gungan but awesome...
Like a Gungan but awesome…

Director of Spirited Away, My Neighbour Totorro, Howl’s Moving Castle

From one of the masters of Japanese animation comes the moving story of Akari, a young girl from the planet Nikkousui who is spirited away from her home by Chikara, a blue dog-faced dragon and living embodiment of the Force. On her journey she meets many strange and wonderful characters (including a Gamorrean pilot called Rosso) and learns how the universe is bound together by an ancient energy and protected by the wise old Jedi Knights who serve it. Contains flashing images.

 

3. David Lynch

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Director Hairstyle No.3: Boy Meets Swirl

Director of Blue Velvet, Lost Highway, Mulholland Drive

This mind-bending film noir follows the idiosyncratic Master Cupa Del, agent of the Jedi, as he travels to the remote backwater planet of Dagobah to investigate the mysterious disappearance of an elderly green hermit. Having to deal with the strange residents of the wooded swampland, including the floating-log lady and man believing himself to be General Kenobi commanding imaginary clone troopers through the planet’s stagnant waters, Master Del soon succumbs to unsettling dreams in which the diminutive deceased visits him, offering clues in confusing syntax…

 

4. Steven Spielberg

"No, the line is 'beep beep boop'. Stupid robot..."
“No, the line is ‘beep beep boop’. Stupid robot…”

Director of Saving Private Ryan, Schindler’s List, E.T

Poignant and heart-breaking, when the homeworld of a race of cute crystal-skulled aliens is threatened by the remnants of the evil Empire, a mismatched team of untrained Jedi must prove themselves and save the planet’s inhabitants from annihilation. Running at five and a half hours long, the film sees the young warriors confront cloned dinosaurs, jack-booted fascists and…their emotions. Starring Tom Hanks.

 

5. Tim Burton

Totally robbed from here
Totally robbed from here

Directed everything starring Johnny Depp when he’s not playing a pirate

The master of the macabre directs this animated black comedy about a young man (Johnny Depp) and his robot dog who discover an ancient Sith artefact behind a strange door in an gnarled old tree and release the spirit of an evil Dark Jedi (Helena Bonham Carter) from within. Her attempts to lure him to the dark side of the force are complemented by a haunting score by Danny Elfman but the story gets a little bit lost under the weight of Burton’s stylish vision.

 Who do you think would have been a good/bad/interesting choice for Star Wars director? Tell us all about it in the comments!

The “Merc with a Mouth” Game Inches Closer

Deadpool Header
Rob Liefeld and writer Fabian Nicieza are my heroes – they’ve created the one comic book character I always have a big rubbery one for – Deadpool. Yes… I’m not afraid to admit I’m gay for Deadpool. He has everything I ask for in a character – he’s funny, charismatic, a badass – he’s basically an anti-hero, he has some cool toys and heals like Wolverine. Plus – he’s a massive nerd. I’ve never read a graphic novel and smirked at a character’s inner-dialogue so much… or at his incessant babbling directed at the reader (referred to as “breaking the fourth wall).

Although I got introduced to the character relatively late, it feels like I’ve been reading about the antics of Deadpool aka Wade Wilson aka “The Merc with a mouth” for a long time now, yet I’ve never been disappointed with the results. From his early appearances in New Mutants back in 1991 when he was a villain, to his fights with The Hulk, teaming up with Cable (one of my other favourite characters) as well as facing off against the Skrulls.

I think my reason for enjoying the character so much is that he has a certain moral flexibility that allows him to change his allegiance to suit his needs… plus he’s a psychotic pop-culture addict that constantly spouts movie quotes, which I identify with quite a lot (the spouting movie quotes part… not the psychotic part).

Deadpool's threats to his enemies even make me laugh

I also liked Deadpool’s appearance in the shocking X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie too (apart from the final act of the movie with the total bastardisation of the character). I think the casting was spot on – Ryan Reynolds is absolutely perfect for the part… but they need to not screw with the character. I don’t actually understand why they felt the need to do so. Deadpool’s abilities are solely related to his Weapon-X endowed healing factor… which resulted in near invulnerability, enhanced reflexes & strength, along with his ongoing psychosis & physical deformity (he had cancer, which although his healing factor counteracted, it also exaggerated the physical side of it giving him horrific facial deformities… hence the mask). He was never able to teleport without the use of a personal teleportation device… he never had swords implanted in his arms, or Cyclops’ beam vision… wrong, wrong WRONG!

Anyway I digress – what I’m trying to say is I love Deadpool… even to the point where I follow @RealDeadpool on twitter. So… imagine my glee when I found out that my favourite loudmouthed movie-loving character was getting his very own game. Sure DP’s been in games before like X-Men Legends 2, the Marvel: Ultimate Alliance games and more recently in Marvel vs Capcom 3 (my favourite iteration of him). But now High Moon Studios are making a stand-alone game for him, and I can’t wait (There’ll also be the Marvel Heroes MMO featuring him coming out soon, and not forgetting Lego Marvel).

Deadpool in Marvel vs Capcom 3

Deadpool’s videogame history has always been as a bit-part character up until recently, used as the comic relief, however his cult fan following and increased publicity thanks to the aforementioned debacle of a movie has had him slowly creep to the forefront. (In fact if you haven’t already, check out the animated “Hulk Vs” movie… specifically the “Hulk vs Wolverine” segment for an awesome depiction voiced perfectly by Nolan North. Argh! Again with the getting sidetracked!)

With High Moon doing a new Deadpool game, I’m hoping they gravitate more towards the MvC3 version of the character than his earlier incarnations… purely on the strength of dialogue and one-liners – they’re already part-way there hiring Nolan North to voice DP. Some of his earlier iterations had him make some really bad jokes… and not like bad as in funny bad. When I first saw the announcement trailer from SDCC last year, I had two thoughts – this could be really awesome, or this could be really bad. Awesome in terms of there’s a multitude of directions they could go gameplay-wise, and they shouldn’t be lacking in humour or quippy dialogue. However I also got a bit of a “Duke Nukem Forever” vibe from the video in places, and we all know how that joke of a game turned out (we had to wait 15 years for that crap!).

Deadpool manages to confuse Ice T with the X-Men

I’m also curious about story lines that could be used in the forthcoming starring role for our (anti) hero. It’s being written by Daniel Way who’s worked on Deadpool before between 2008-2012, along with the likes of Wolverine: Origins, Spider-Man, Venom and the Punisher vs Bullseye series to name but a few. So it looks like the story is in good hands… The series Way was involved in saw Wade Wilson become mortal and look forward to dying for a lot of it, and ally himself with Taskmaster… I won’t ruin it for you though – it’s definitely worth a read. However I’m hoping the story goes in a new direction… but the potential to flick between being a bad guy and a good guy is definitely alluring.

As far as seeing other Marvel characters in the game, you’ll see from the gallery below that Cable is a definite, but it’s also rumoured we’ll see Domino, Wolverine, Death and Psylocke in there too somewhere.

Anyway as I’ve mentioned there’s a gallery of fresh screenshots and concept art below, so take a look, and see what you think. Judging by the mahoosive gun in one shot, it looks to be incredibly fun already in my opinion.

High Moon Studios’ Deadpool game is due for release this year on PS3 & Xbox 360.

Grab the Sick Bags, It’s A DC Valentine’s Day Special !

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Let’s get one thing completely straight here: there is nothing on this Earth I find more thoroughly worthless than Valentine’s Day, with the possible exception of  head lice. The idea of a socially-mandated day in which people must declare their love for one another and express it with a variety of ridiculous gifts (don’t get me started on the practice of giving loved ones dismembered flowers which will wither and die before the week is out) or risk a previously happy relationship disintegrating into bitterness and rage, does not sit comfortably on my soul. Oh sure, when I was a naïve wee thing I held delusions that the year’s object of my awkward teenage desire would choose that special day to tell me how strongly and completely they admired my ironing-board body and dandelion hair, but that quickly gave way, first to a bitter cynicism, and then to a more peaceful, zen-like state of simply not giving a fuck. It remains a point of great pride with me that I continued to ignore V-Day even after I achieved the teenage holy grail of a relationship with another human, and that my husband and I make it safely through February each year with our wallets and marriage intact.

So I was as puzzled as anyone to find that I picked up DC’s Young Romance one-shot with all the squealing delight that an actual valentine would be expected to bring. Because, whilst I hate V-Day with every fibre of my being (except those special fibres reserved for the work of Rob Liefeld) I do love love, and I especially love when characters I love are in love with each other. The Young Romance special contains six stories, with first dates, lovers’ tiffs, reunions, and, of course, lots and lots of fighting.

 

batcat

‘Think it Through’ – Batman and Catwoman

This tells the story of the Bat and the Cat’s first meeting, which led to Catwoman turning into the responsible thief she is today. The subtle flirt-and-fight interplay is an immeasurably vast improvement on the shallow shagging of ‘…And Most of the Costumes Stay On…’ thanks in no small part to having female writer Ann Nocenti on board. Sadly, it feels a little bland and lacking in sexual tension, not to mention Catwoman’s Robin Hood style of theft being retconned into something she did to impress Batman, rather than a result of her own moral code. Personally, for those looking for a good Bat/Cat date night, I’d recommend going retro and looking up ‘A Town on the Night’.

 

aquaman mera

‘The Lighthouse’ – Aquaman and Mera (featuring Felicity Merkham and Samuel Wentworth)

Aquaman and Mera snuggle up in their lighthouse to wait out the storm, when Mera discovers some letters written by the former lighthouse keeper’s daughter and the sailor she loved, and their story begins to unfold. It’s a simple, sweet little story, with an ending that brought me pretty close to tears.

 

batgirlricky

‘Dreamer’ – Batgirl and Ricky

Ricky (the ex-con Batgirl rescued from a gang of torturing, murdering vigilantes) asks Batgirl out. It goes about as well as expected. This story has none of the short attention span scene changes seen in the others, and it works perfectly: two characters, just chatting in the street about the real reason it’s unwise to date superheroes. Plus, Ricky is such a wonderful person -just cocky enough so you don’t see him as a victim, just sensitive enough that he doesn’t seem like a jackass- that I, a die-hard member of the Nightwing/Batgirl fan club, kinda want to see them together.

 

apollomidnighter

‘Seoul Brothers’ – Apollo and Midnighter

Stormwatch’s on-again-off-again gay couple, Apollo and Midnighter, have had something of a tiff, so Apollo strides purposefully through the grimy back alleys of Seoul to find his chin-spiked amour. Midnighter, in a revelation which surprises exactly no-one, is beating the ever-loving shit out of, well, pretty much every human being he sees. The sexual tension between these guys is everything that the BatCat story lacked, and I found myself wishing I had the foresight to keep a hand fan by my desk. Or, as George Takei might put it, “Oh my!”

 

nightwingursamajor

 ‘Another Saturday Night’ – Nightwing and Ursa Major

Nightwing stands up a date to go fight crime and the date promptly (and understandably) ends things over the phone. It’s at this point he bumps into new girl on the block Ursa Major, and the two mop up a fairly standard rent-a-mob. The two eat dinner on a rooftop at the urging of Ursa’s employer, who shrewedly notes that these costume types never seem to take time out of their schedule for boning. Now, when I saw that Nightwing and Batgirl weren’t paired together in this collection, I was aghast. Aghast and possibly even offended. But since Batgirl and Ricky made such a nice pair in the end, I was prepared to give this Ursa Major bitch a fair shot. And you know, she’s a pretty great gal- she’s got the delicate balance down between being aloof enough to be interesting, but not so cold that you don’t want to get to know her. Which just made the ending so much worse. Poor, poor Nightwing.

 

supermanwonderwoman

‘Truth or Dare’ – Superman and Wonder Woman

DC’s ultimate power couple are on a dinner date in a place personally recommended to Wonder Woman by her cousin (and demigod of love) Eros, which sounds fantabulous on the surface, but when the gods get involved, you know there’s going to be some drama of epic proportions. The sirens are stirring up havoc of the mind-controlling variety, and Wonder Woman is forced to fight, not only Eros and the sirens, but the entire population of the restaurant- including Superman! It’s a good look into Wonder Woman’s world, where their relationship up to this point has been mostly centred around Superman’s home and hobbies, but the real high point of this story is how the ending manages to please both fans of the SuperWonder pairing, and canon devotees who want Clark to be with Lois. Impressive.

 

This wasn’t a perfect collection; I personally would have included confirmation of the Black Canary/Starling relationship (which is so clearly happening and no force on earth will convince me otherwise) a Red Hood and the Outlaws three-way and a Tim Drake/Stephanie Brown moment (even if it was only in Tim’s head, because dammit I want Steph back!) but that is probably because I’m confusing Young Romance with the smuttier corners of fanfiction.net. But the best thing about this one-shot has got to be the puntastic valentine’s cards at the end. If I were the sort to celebrate V-Day, I’d probably be giving out this one…

AQUAMAN

 

J.J. Abrams Will Be The Geek Messiah

He’s successfully rebooted Star Trek, and just been announced as the Star Wars Episode VII director. Now to top all that off the geektastic director extraordinaire J.J. Abrams has confirmed that film adaptations of Valve‘s “Half Life” and “Portal” titles are real and are moving ahead – backed up by Valve boss Gabe Newell.

J. J. Abrams Half Life

On Wednesday both Abrams and Newell held joint talks at the DICE conference in Las Vegas, and towards the end of their keynote they announced they would be working together on some upcoming projects. Along with working on the two projects, Abrams also confirmed he’d be collaborating with Newell on a game produced by Abrams’ company Bad Robot.

“It’s as real as anything in Hollywood ever gets, which is that we are really talking to Valve, we are going to be bringing on a writer, we have a lot of very interesting ideas” he told Polygon.

“We’re also aware of the cautionary tales of movies that became games and vice versa. Our goal here to is to treat the world Valve has created in both these properties like anyone would a book or some great story that comes from a pitch or original script – just to treat it with the respect they treat their games and their players with.”

I’ve been waiting for this news now for quite a long time, and after seeing some pretty impressive and fun fan-made movies based on the Portal and Half Life universe, I wondered how long it would take to get picked up. Although I did think that Guillermo del Toro would be the one to take the reigns due to his often publicised love of the genre and games in question… not to mention the GLaDOS “cameo” in the upcoming Pacific Rim.

To wet your appetite, here’s a video combining both worlds into one fun and pretty awesome fan-made short:

What do you think of the news? And who do you think would be good to cast in each of the roles involved? Comment below and let us know!

NerdVsWorld, Episode 2: A Fistful of Nerds.

Great new episode from team NVW.. listen by clicking the link below:

NVW

 

 

Welcome back to NerdVsWorld, Episode 2: A Fistful of Nerds.

In this weeks show Bren, Si and Ady discuss X-Men casting announcements, wrestling robots, Justice League woes, as well as discussing the big topic of J.J.Abrams and Star Wars.

The musical interlude this week is provided by Jon Liddell. (http://www.reverbnation.com/jonliddell) You can like his page on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/jonliddellmusic Go on and share the love.

As always remember to “Like” our page at www.facebook.com/NerdVWorld in order to stay up to date with podcast announcements, and to get involved with the show. We want to hear from you.

You can also follow us on Twitter at: @NerdVsWorld@spindlyone@kaosady

Until next time, Take care, and be excellent to each other.

NvW

Clash of the Titans: Welcome to Awards Season 2013

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BAFTA Award

Awards season is well and truly upon us. The Golden Globes took place last month, but February is where they whack the really important statues out. Make way for the big guns, it’s BAFTA and Oscar time. This Sunday, 10th February sees the arrival of 2013’s BAFTA Awards ceremony, with the 85th Academy Awards taking place on 24th.

 

It’s been an interesting year for awards, with most of the nominees having only been released over the past few months in both the UK and US. Leading the pack for both BAFTAs and Oscars is Spielberg’s historical drama, Lincoln, starring Daniel Day-Lewis as the president on a mission to abolish slavery during the Civil War. Fabulously so, might I add. It’s a great historical piece and will most definitely appeal to any American history buffs, but it really wasn’t for me. I can certainly see why it’s nominated for so many Oscars; because it’s an American film about American history, appealing to an American awards panel. That’s right, it’s very American. However, I was quite shocked at the amount of attention it’s received with the BAFTA panel.

LincolnLincoln is closely followed with its nominations by Ang Lee’s Life of Pi and Tom Hooper’s Les Miserables. Life of Pi is a beautiful piece of cinema, which I think will let Lee take home some of the more technical prizes such as Best Cinematography and Visual Effects, perhaps event best Adapted Screenplay if Lincoln doesn’t steal it away. Les Miserables is a sure winner for Anne Hathaway as Best Supporting Actress, which she already claimed at the Golden Globes last month. For anyone that didn’t shed a tear or get goose bumps during Hathaway’s harrowing performance as poor Fantine, you’re dead inside. I think that Les Miserables will have better chances at the BAFTAs this weekend, and is a strong contender for Best Picture.

So that’s the top three for both BAFTA and the Oscars, let’s take a look at the films that are trailing behind. Again, it’s very similar for both the UK and US awards, with Skyfall, Argo, Django Unchained and Zero Dark Thirty. The Brits are obviously favouring Skyfall, but I can’t see it winning much despite its eight nominations. Argo might pick up a few awards, but despite huge critical reception, I don’t really think Affleck has made much of a mark.

Django Unchained
Tarantino’s splatterfest of a Western, Django Unchained, is in my eyes the sole contender for Supporting Actor and Tarantino might even take home Best Original Screenplay.  Christoph Waltz’s performance in Django is by far one of my favourite performances of the year. He picked up the Golden Globe for his role as the German bounty hunter and I’d be shocked if he doesn’t take home both the BAFTA and Oscar this year as well.

Then there’s Kathryn Bigelow’s Zero Dark Thirty, a film about the hunt for Osama Bin Laden. I think it could go either way for Bigelow, who won big with The Hurt Locker back in 2010. She was the first female director to win an Oscar, and took home six awards from both the BAFTAs and the Oscars, including Best Picture. Jessica Chastain could easily take home Best Actress, as there’s little competition, and I think it’s the main rival against Django for Best Original Screenplay. I reckon the Brits just might give Bigelow or Tarantino Best Director as well.

 

the-hobbit_2409864k

In the world of geekery, nominations are extremely lacking this year. Some were surprised at the lack of the nominations for The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, which unfortunately was just released at the wrong time. There’s been too much competition for Jackson this year, and he’s only looking at a chance for awards in Hair and Make-Up or Visual Effects. Avengers Assemble and Prometheus are also contenders for both BAFTAs and Oscars in the effects category, as is The Dark Knight Rises for a BAFTA.

So there you have it, my awards predictions for 2013. I could go on, (and on) but there are so many categories and it’s been a great year for cinema. Enjoy the rest of the awards season kicking off this weekend, the BAFTAs are usually a great watch, I’ll probably end up shouting at the television like a deranged sports fanatic To finish off, here’s a brief prediction summary for Best Picture and Best Director for those who might have skimmed a little of my ranting.

 

BAFTAs

Best Picture: Lincoln / Les Miserables
Best Director: Tarantino – Django Unchained / Kathryn Bigelow – Zero Dark Thirty

Oscars

Best Picture: Lincoln
Best Director: Steven Spielberg – Lincoln

It Doesn’t Matter If Judge Dredd is Gay

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There was something of a media frenzy recently when 2000AD announced an upcoming Judge Dredd short in which the eponymous badass shares a gay kiss. It was widely reported on and discussed. There was a major amount of furore.

People instantly said that sharing a gay kiss made him gay. Which is absolute tosh. Having one gay kiss no more makes you gay then having one straight kiss makes you straight. But people still went mental over this.

Which all looks a bit silly if you actually read Closet. It opens with the image which caused such a controversy but turns out to be a story about a gay young man who is caught in an underground club where men dress up as Judge Dredd; the kiss is a young man’s sexual fantasy and nothing more.

But if the story had been about Judge Dredd having a gay fling, it wouldn’t matter. Even if the story was 12 pages of Dredd sucking cock, it wouldn’t make a difference (besides making you question the quality of storytelling involved.) Not in the slightest. Some fans said that they were going to buy the magazine in order to burn it, furious that their hero wasn’t heterosexual. But, frankly, I hope that anyone who said that feels really bleeding silly.

Because it truly, really doesn’t matter. Judge Dredd, whether he has sex with men or women, is still a brutal and awesome character. He is still the guy who faced down the Dark Judges. Nothing changes from his sexuality. Not a thing.

People shouldn’t equate power with heterosexuality. Gareth Thomas could absolutely destroy 99% of people reading this article. Hell, Ruth Davidson probably could as well. Whereas Woody Allen probably couldn’t fight his way out of a paper bag. Being big, strong and powerful has absolutely no correlation with preferring one set of genitals over another.

The world is moving on. People are realising that one’s sexuality does not reflect on their personality. Comics, as one of the great art forms, should move with current thinking and we should embrace said change. Let’s make Batman gay. And black. And a woman. What does it matter as long as Batman kicks ass, is well-written and never picks up a damn gun? As long as the story is good, the character is positively held to and the art is excellent.

I get the feeling that people think that changes and so on reflect on them somehow; ‘if Judge Dredd is gay, how does that make me look? I have all these comics!’. Well, I hope they get over themselves. Or, if not, that they sell their collection for far less than its worth…

Zombie Apocalypse – Food Cupboard Essentials

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Okay, so yes I do have a little obsession with surviving the Zombie Apocalypse but that is not a bad thing, in fact it is a very wise thing because you just never know. So I thought I would share a few tasty tips to add to your food cupboard in preparation for the undead disaster, ‘cos you gotta eat!

First off I wouldn’t recommend a shopping trip within the first two weeks of the outbreak, chances are your local supermarket will be full of cashiers wandering around gnawing on the rotting meats from the butcher counters. Happy go lucky customers doing their weekly shop are now roaming up and down the aisle hoping to find some canned brain, all in all not a safe place to be. And that’s assuming the zombie outbreak was fast and extremely contagious with a very short incubation period. If it has been a slower process then the likely hood is that your local shops have been trashed by the initial panic buying followed quickly by the inevitable looting.

General rules of food consumption in this scenario should for your family and you to gorge on the fridge and freezer food, no harm in building up some stored fat much like a bear preparing to hibernate. No heating means cold nights, a layer of fat adds a little comfort. Though please note excessive weight gain will impact the chances of survival when running for your life.  Next eat the fresh products, bread, biscuits, fruit and vegetables. All providing essential energy and vitamins to once again prepare you for the chaotic times ahead.

But that said clearly the most sensible option would be to plan ahead. The difficulty with this is storage, you start to fill your house with masses of food then you’ll quickly become the crazy person who lives on the corner with chickens and cows in their backyard. So here are a few key items to keep in your larder to aid the transition into the new apocalyptic, run for your life kinda world.

Bottled Water (obviously)

Mmmm…hydration

It goes without saying that you’ve already filled your bath and any other containers with water the moment you learnt of the ‘mysterious virus spreading across the world bringing the dead to life’.  This will need to be used for personal hygiene, toileting as well as assigning some for drinking. But it is always a good idea to have some bottled water. For a start it will remain clean and free from contamination, handy for not only drinking but cleaning wounds (Please note: this is not zombie bites, don’t bother cleaning the dudes arm up, beat him over the head until his skull collapses and his brains pour out, he’s a goner anyway).  About 10 large bottle will set you up until the two week lock down is over.

 

 

Canned Food (again obviously)

Many many foods come in the form of a can. From the classic baked beans and soup to chilli or a full breakfast and not forgetting fruit and vegetables.   Canned food has a shelf life of anywhere between one to five years and therefore the most convenient way of getting daily sustenance without risking botulism or salmonella.  Plus they are cheap and chances you already have a small supply from your weekly shop. Adding one or two extra to that shop won’t financially cripple you.

Whilst I recommend a range of soups and vegetables. My number one choice is baked beans.  Considered a super food they are packed with protein, fibre, iron and calcium. As well as being one of your five a day they are also not too bad eaten cold. One last thing, make sure you have a can opener.

Rice

A big bag of dried rice is a must. Rice is the staple food for more than half of the world’s population. It offers complex carbohydrates which provide a slower and more sustained release of energy than simple carbohydrates. White rice is one of the quickest easiest foods to digest and is often recommended for those who are debilitated and weak and require easy assimilation and quick energy, an inevitable side effect of a zombie apocalypse. Down side is that rice does require boiling so fire is a must. But worry not here is a video on Urban survival, how to light a fire: Lighting a fire – Urban Survival

Salt

There is nothing like a pinch of salt to vastly improve the blandness of your apocalypse menu and brighten your day, but it’s a lot handier then this. As salt inhibits the growth of microorganisms humans have been salting meat to preserve it since ancient times. So if you’re not quite hungry enough to eat the whole cat, salt a little for later. Please bear in mind though that you will probably require a reliable water supply before setting up your salted meat emporium, the sodium in salt plays a part in triggering thirst mechanisms meaning chances are you’ll require a drink after chowing down on salted squirrel. There are many other uses for salt, some irrelevant, I don’t think anyone is going to be too worried about keeping their fresh cut flowers blooming for longer, but some handier such as using it to brush your teeth. You can find out more about the uses of salt from the Salt Institute.

Honourable mentions:

Lots and lots of fatigue fighting coffee, you really don’t want to be falling asleep on your watch. Also honey, it’s sweet and has the advantage of never going bad.  It apparently reported that archaeologists found 2000 year old jars of honey in Egyptian tombs and they still tasted delicious! Turns out the unique chemical composition means bacteria can’t grow in it, smother those manky wounds, honestly it works, there has been research and everything.

So there it is, the basics. Personally I’d also add a range of spices and may be some dried lentils, a little powdered mash potato and super noodles, you know, just to shake it up a bit. Thinking about it, a big box of matches and some multi-vitamins and iron supplements would be quite useful.

Happy Eating folks! (hopefully not brains)

P.S. Don’t forget to check out Geek Prides Zombie Apocalypse team challenge 

 

There Is Evil In The Most Innocent Of Us: The Art of Jeffrey Thomas

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Any less than normal person like me enjoys a good artist who twists a classic. Whilst browsing the underbelly of the internet, I came across a wonderful artist by the name of Jeffrey Thomas. While he does many different designs, my favourite is a blog he posted called “Twisted Princess”.

Now, being a child in the early nineties naturally meant I grew up with the Disney characters, good and evil alike. However, what happens when you make the good princesses, into the evil characters? Jeffrey Thomas found out. In his blog he portrays some of your classic Disney princesses as an evil, malevolent princess.

A wonderful premise and I fully enjoyed looking at his collection. Not only that, but the skill involved is nothing short of genius and the style is exactly the kind you would expect from a talented original like this guy.

If you’d like to see more, visit http://jeftoonportfolio.blogspot.co.uk/2009/02/twisted-princess.html and view the complete collection, along with his other works featured there.

A sneak preview for your good selves and my personal favourite:

twistedprincess_alice

Review – Little Big Planet Karting – 6 GPP

 

Straight to the point: Mario Kart it ain’t. This is a marriage between Modnation Racers and Little Big Planet, where the latter clearly wears the trousers. It has great creative elements but sadly the racing is mediocre.

 

Trailer: 

Review:

It appears that karting games are like buses, there’s not been any for a good while and now 3 turn up at once; F1 Race Stars, Sonic All-Stars Racing Transformed and Little Big Planet Karting have all been released within the same month (Oct/Nov 2012). LBP is has only been known for platforming until now, so does it prove itself as a racing game? Well, let’s take a look at how it all works…

Little Big Planet Karting is a marriage between Modnation Racers and the LBP games by Modnation Racers Developer, United Front. Many of the racing elements have been taken from Modnation Racers but have taken the theme and game structure of LPB and combined the creation tools of both games. But does this marriage work?

As with the LBP games, you start off in a cardboard hub and create the look of your sackboy and this time, your kart. The single player campaign is a story mode, just without much story and is broken up into different planets. Each planet has a theme based on level from the LBP games, comprised of races, mini games/challenges and battle levels.

As with the other LBP games, completing a level and achieving a podium position unlocks the next one, plus a mini-game; and it goes on until you unlock them all. There are around 70 of these levels to play on so there’s a fair bit of content here, and all of these contain collectible prizes to customise your character and kart, plus to add to your collection of items to use in create mode. The problem with this structure is that, although it is consistent with the LBP structure, it doesn’t really work for a racing game; what LBPK is really lacking is tournaments and cups.The mini-games often involve shooting something and just seem to be there to fill out the game and fit the LBP theme; more tracks and less of these would be better though.

On to the actual racing: as I said before, this has taken heavily from Modnation Racers, but has it improved on it? Not really. Quite a few elements have been stripped from it (the ones, which set it apart from the competition, and it seems it’s just to keep within the theme of LBP. It’s kept the drifting but now you need to release the button in order to get an instant boost, rather than building up a meter from drifting and using the boost when you want. There’s also no drafting and this is maybe because in MNR it was something, which gave you points and in this game you have point pickups instead.
The weapon pickup stacking hasn’t been included but the weapon defence has, which does really help the gameplay as you need to master the timing in order to defend yourself from incoming attacks. One new addition is swinging using grapple points but this doesn’t really add much to the experience and I’d rather see more of the aforementioned elements of MDR. What is better is that it’s easier to play than MDR, which could be pretty tough as it had a steep difficulty curve, which made it easy to put down. LBPK’s normal difficulty isn’t too dissimilar to this but it does also have an easier setting, which you can switch to if you get frustrated ; good for younger and less experienced players.

LBP2

There is an overuse of rocket-based weapons but this time the attributes of most of them are suspiciously like the Mario Kart weapons. One is a homing rocket, like the red shell, another ricochets off the sides of the tracks until it hits someone, just like the green shell, and then there’s one, which homes in on the lead kart, like the spiky blue shell does. Then there’s race changes like the FFW pickup, which is basically a mushroom,(though I must say I love the FFW effect) and there’s a boxing glove, which is just like the bullet in Mario Kart Wii, just less impressive.

What it doesn’t take from Mario Kart, but should have at least taken notes from, is the track design. Frankly LBPK’s tracks can be quite dull, with short cuts on some tracks but there’s no real gamble on taking them, for example, Mario Kart Wii has tracks, where taking certain short cuts may save time or lead to a much needed pickup but the path will have hazards or is trickier to navigate through.
LBPK doesn’t really have that. There’s the odd chasm you need to grapple hook across, a few short cuts and hazards but the tracks are generally quite bland and none of them are that memorable.

Your kart can be customised, using materials you have picked up; the look and type of vehicle can be changed but this doesn’t seem to change the attributes of kart; it’s always a standard one. One of the great features in Mario Kart was being able to select a kart, which suited your play style best and this would have been a good addition to LBPK.

LBPK3

Both the graphical style and the soundtrack are exactly what you would expect from a LPK game and I can’t fault them. What makes this game really shines though, is the creative element, combining tools and materials from both MNR and LBP. The track building tool, taken from MDR, is very easy to use as you can lay down the track whilst driving your character around and with a simple tilt of the left stick you can create a bend and titling the right stick creates a slope.

There is an abundance of objects available to get creative with. How many depends on what you’ve collected during the single player races, which usually gives you a reason to play through them all again. You can spend hours populating your track with all kinds of objects, forming hills and lakes in the background etc and you can test it out anytime so you can go back and tweak it to perfection. Once it’s finished, it can be published online for others to enjoy and you can browse and play tracks made by others. And the creative tools are not just limited to building race tracks either; it’s possible to create simple shooters, puzzle games and other game types too. This is what LBP is all about.

Multiplayer consists of a race mode and a battle mode and needs to be accessed via the story mode. Basically you can only join a race for a particular track if you have reached a podium position on that track in the single player, which sucks. However, once you’ve joined a race, you can stay online and play whatever track loads next.

I haven’t played online since the first weekend after its release as there weren’t many other players online; and if there weren’t many then, it’s unlikely there will be now. However, if there is a lack of players, bots will be added automatically, which helps fill out a race but sometimes there only bots and you might as well just stick to the single player mode. Multiplayer also lacks any unlocks or profile levelling; something, which shouldn’t really be that important but gamers expect features like this these days.

Overall, I think United Front have focused too much on making a LBP game and not enough on making a decent racing games. It seems to me that some great features of their previous racing game seem to have been stripped, simply because they don’t fit in with the whole LBP them and I think this its downfall. However, I think most LBP planet fans will enjoy it and will be satisfied with the great creative elements.