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Dust and Decay – Chapter 19 – By Sean P. Wallace
Want to know what’s happening? The first book Dust and Sand was serialised here at Geek Pride. A summary is available here. You can also buy the definitive edition of Dust and Sand at all good eBook stores.
Long ago, Joshua sacrificed a child to Omnis. A little girl, blonde, orphaned. In return, Omnis promised to warn him should his life be at risk from an unknown source. A difficult ritual, complicated by inexperience. Getting the incantations right had taken days, especially as the girl hadn’t shut up hollering throughout. Even through a gag. Like her, he had persevered. Only he succeeded and won Omnis’ blessing. His first real reward for casting in his lot with the Triangle.
He’d forgotten about that long weekend until a blaring buzzing cut through his dreams and yanked him back to reality. Heart racing, vision sharp but jittery, he was more awake and aware than he’d ever been. Immediately, he knew Omnis had fulfilled their bargain. A deep, fundamental knowledge, a debt repaid.
What he saw proved it. A Paint. One of its ineffable limbs – plant, vegetable, and mineral in equal turns – was poised to deliver a mewling egg into his throat. In the pure clarity that sacrifice had bought, he saw the attack coming, slow as treacle.
Joshua rolled away from painful death. The Paint impregnated only the ground. It chittered in frustration, eyes becoming mouths, ears becoming a nose.
Rising to his feet, he went for a gun which wasn’t there. “Well, shit.”
“Well, shit,” the Paint parroted back.
The beast lunged at him. Joshua took to his heels and just avoided it. He cursed his gun for not being where he needed it, then cursed the creature which’d brought him down from his vantage point. Omnis hadn’t smiled on him today.
Pre-empting the Paint’s next attack, Joshua threw himself forward and rolled across the dusty ground. He came up gripping a knife from his ankle sheath. Small, sure, but enchanted. A last resort easily strong enough to kill a Paint.
“And now you die.”
“And now you die,” the Paint replied, nothing but grins.
Joshua flowed under its next attack and scraped the knife along the tenuous skin which held it together. Left absence in the blade’s wake. The Paint burbled and crumpled in on itself to keep its nebulous form together. Leaving its skull, or perhaps tip, exposed.
Not for long. Joshua shoved the knife into the creature’s head, fully piercing whatever kept it in tact. The Paint wailed. Magic leaked out, as air from a burst balloon. It shrieked and chirruped as it died, flailing the feeble attempts at arms and wings it could muster.
Joshua watched it die, enjoying each moment of pain. When it finally collapsed, the last thing it saw – if it could see – was his smiling face.
“That felt damn good.”
Joshua stretched and took stock. He stood at ground level, where Dustin Longe had been. Minor scavengers dined on the rotting, gelatinous corpse of whatever attacked them. The Marshall roused behind him, waving away bloated Badlands flies. In the distance, the Nun was on her feet, stumbling like a teen after her first taste of liquor.
Most importantly, the Wanted Man and his posse were gone.
“God damn that son of a fucking whore.”
Smaller scavengers slowly approached the Paint’s powdery remains, eyeing Joshua nervously. Former rats, snakes, coyotes. Even a dog. Two had the spark of the True God about them. Joshua knelt and threw each a handful of the powder, giving them a head start.
The rat and dog huffed the remains and looked at one another. A bond formed. Unspoken, but he could see them thinking. Planning.
More so than killing the Paint, that cheered Joshua up.
“Are you well, Mister McManaman?” the Nun asked. Bleary eyed, she mustn’t have seen his small act of charity. He thanked Omnis she was so messed up. Her hair was a tangled maze. She’d earned a shiner and a busted lip. Her false husband wouldn’t be too happy tonight.
“Feel like I just got kicked in the head by a mule. And its twenty friends.”
She nodded, some clarity returning. “Me too.”
Reeves started coughing. He rolled over and spat. Something large and black flew from his lips. A fly. Drenched in spittle, it wriggled its dozen legs in a futile attempt to right itself. Shame, really. Things might’ve been easier if the fly had gotten its way.
The Marshall wiped his mouth. “Begging your pardon, Sister, but god damn it, that is the worst way I ever done woke up. Those things have been after me like I am covered in honey. I still think I’ve got one in my pocket.”
“That’s because they’re Badlands flies,” Joshua said with a wide smile. “Nothing ordinary about them: why, I’ve heard tell of men who fell asleep out here and woke with eggs in their ears or between their fingers. You do not want to know how they got rid of them, nor what they might’ve become if someone hadn’t performed such unpleasant surgery.”
Reeves jumped up and frantically checked between his fingers and in his ears. And behind them. Of course, he found nothing. Joshua had only partially been bullshitting: Badlands flies laid eggs inside their hosts, just not in those nooks and crannies.
“I don’t think they got me,” Reeves said with naked fear. “Do you?”
The Nun had to ruin the fun by saying, “I can’t sense anything on you. They likely didn’t have time to lay their foul spawn.”
“You sure?”
“I swear it.”
Joshua looked away and sneered. That ‘Marshall’ may be a fine shot – perhaps as good as Joshua – but he didn’t have the stomach for the Badlands. Even for a normal man, he’d panicked too much over a few flies. Weak, he was. Which shouldn’t have been a surprise.
The Sister coughed and approached the creature that’d attacked them. “This thing has a touch of Omnis about it, but I do not know its kind. Do you recognise it?”
His disdain evaporated. She couldn’t be right. Why would Omnis interrupt a follower who was about to capture the Wanted Man?
Joshua walked over. Damn it if the nun wasn’t right: this strange thing belonged to Omnis. But they’d had Dust pinned down, had him scrabbling for what to do next. Had him beat. And yet… And yet something belonging to the True God had intervened…
“I don’t recognise it at all,” he said, the most honest he’d been with her.
“Me either. But it would seem that Omnis also failed to attack the Wanted Man.”
He knelt and checked over this thing again. It still felt like old paper, bloated corpses, and fresh flowers. Like Omnis. Joshua glowered at it as the Sister drew a pouch from her robes. She was right in another way too: whatever this creature wanted, it had failed.
Joshua pondered on that Perhaps this thing had once been a scavenger, a mindless energy with magic bound to it? If it wasn’t yet sapient, it might’ve blundered into the moment of Joshua’s triumph by accident. A random mistake, nothing more. And so, Omnis had allowed it to die.
Yes, Joshua decided that made sense, ignoring his niggling doubts.
“I’m going to burn it away,” the Sister said. “Unless you have some objections?”
Joshua shook his head. “Let it burn. Me and Bass need to find our weapons.”
Bass looked up from checking his fingers again. “What makes you think that they’re still here? The Wanted Man probably took them.”
Joshua shrugged. “Might’ve. No harm in looking, now, is there? Besides, I think Sister Irujo wouldn’t mind some peace for her ritual.”
She nodded. “It would be preferable, yes.”
“Fine,” Bass said. “Let’s go.”
They used matches to light mostly-uncorrupted Badland branches, needing light for their search and to ward off weaker scavengers. An honest orange glow, healthy. Which stood out in the Badlands. Best not to dally, particularly at any sort of height.
Joshua and Bass climbed back to their hiding places. Treacherous soil and errant rocks tried to bar their way. They took their time: the last thing he needed was a turned ankle or broken arm. If Bass fell, though, he’d happily put him out of his misery.
Soon, they crested the hill. Bass quickly found his rifle and tested it for damage. Joshua tutted and cast about for his own weapon. Sure enough, he found it near where he’d been when the creature attacked. Like it’d been waiting for him.
It hadn’t been damaged. Not obviously, anyway. He would’ve spent more time looking it over had there not been a rush of air above him, bat wings beating against the stars. Probably just a coincidence, but it felt like a threat.
“We should leave,” Bass said quietly.
Joshua agreed.
The Sister had a good fire going when they got back. Scavengers circled its limits, terrified and fascinated by her strange magic. And the fire, of course. Others had been less lucky or smart. They died squealing, flames cleansing their flesh and essence.
“I declare that I just don’t understand this,” Reeves said. “Not at all.”
“What don’t you get?” Joshua asked.
“Why did they leave us our weapons? Look around, they obviously fought this thing off. Had us at their mercy. Nothing that could have scared them off before they could kill us would’ve left us alone, would it? No, they chose to leave us alive, with our guns. And I don’t get why.”
The Sister considered this. “Perhaps they were in a rush? We can still easily follow them: look at their tracks leading away.”
Joshua followed her gaze. Five sets of footprints went away to the south: four human and one from some animal.
That gave him pause. Had the Wanted Man let himself get pinned down because their fifth member was abroad? Someone that could take on animal form? He’d not seen anyone when they scoped the posse out, but Dustin Longe was no fool. He could’ve had their fifth member hide. Or maybe they’d just been unlucky and missed this fifth person when they’d scouted the bastard.
If so, he now understood why Omnis had let the creature intervene.
“Joshua, can you explain this?” the Sister asked.
“Pardon?” he asked. They both stared at him. Clearly, they’d been flapping their gums. “Oh, you mean about the guns? No, I don’t know. Maybe it’s as you said, they didn’t want to waste more time? We delayed them with our attack and so did that creature.”
Bass shook his head. “Two minutes to kill us might’ve saved them another firefight. Hell – pardon my French, Sister – they could have taken our ammo at the very least. By leaving us here, armed, they’ve taken a great risk.”
“And spared us. They spared us being consumed in these tainted lands.”
Joshua didn’t like where this train of thought was heading. “Come now, don’t paint the Wanted Man as a Samaritan. He’s wanted for heresy and murder, remember? I’m certain he was just concerned about the time he’d lost. I can’t imagine he wanted to wait to enact whatever vile devilment he seeks, can you?”
“I guess that makes sense,” Bass said, looking away and scratching the back of his neck.
“More sense than a murderer and heretic giving someone grace. Yes, Sister?”
She eyed Joshua closely. “He has not yet been convicted of those charges, Mister McManaman. Is the term you use not ‘Innocent Until Proven Guilty’?”
“Not for us. Not now. We gave him a chance to come in peaceably. He spat in our faces. Now, the term is ‘Wanted: Dead or Alive.’ Guilt can be decided by the court, if we manage to get him in front of one. Ain’t that right, Marshall Reeves?”
The fool straightened, took a breath. “It is right. Innocent he may be, but one act of kindness doesn’t change that we are duty-bound to hunt him. I’ll certainly mention this to the judge, whoever he may be, when we step before a court.”
Joshua suppressed a laugh. Dustin Longe would never see the inside of a court.
The Sister looked between them, out-voted. “Very well. Let us hurry after him.”
Before they left, Joshua looked back to the scavengers he’d fed. They stood over the former Paint, small corpses dotted around them. Wounded but triumphant. After enjoying their moment of victory, each looked to the other. Nods, magical conversation. Then they divided their spoils fairly.
He wished them all the best.
Darkest Dungeon: The Glutton for Punishment’s Perfect Game
Darkest Dungeon is one of the most frustrating games that you will ever come into contact with. Conspiracy theorists the world over think it’s out to get them, and after almost 600 hours in game I wonder whether I have any sanity left at all. For those of you that think this is an over-reaction, I think it’s important you know that my working title for this article was “Why I Punched my Laptop so Hard my Screen Broke: A True Story.“
For those of you that are unaware of Darkest Dungeon, it is another one of those games that throws the word rogue-like into its description. A turn based RPG with a Lovecraftian feel that attempts to convey the true psychological stresses of adventuring.
At first look, Darkest Dungeon seems to present its content in a fairly standard way. Recruit parties of adventurers and send them off in to the depths of your ancestor’s estate in search of gold, glory and adventure. Watch out for deadly traps and kill beastly enemies, all the while working your way towards frightening bosses and the truly horrifying Darkest Dungeon.
Then you realise that not only are your adventurers fighting for the lives, they’re also fighting for their sanity. Do not expect your plucky heroes to return from their quests victorious and smiling. Chances are they are more likely to come back as broken men and women, psychologically tortured from the things they’ve seen. Something that you learn very quickly in Darkest Dungeon is that whilst it’s nice to see that your health bar is nearly full, it’s nowhere near the most important thing when it comes to survival.
Every time your party takes damage, every time the torch burns down that little bit further, the stress of your adventurers increases. Perhaps somebody took a critical hit from a skeleton and now has a crippling fear of the undead. Perhaps the abomination in your party transformed into his animal state during battle, leaving his companions with a feeling of dread. Even something as simple as a bookcase could leave your adventurers reeling with stress after reading something that has unsettled them.
Too much stress, and your adventurers will soon reach breaking point, which is when the fun really begins. Only one saving throw separates the virtuous from the afflicted, the difference between a hero becoming courageous, or paranoid (amongst other things). Then it gets worse, if your heroes are afflicted, the stress keeps building, and the way that they react to their surroundings, and each other, will begin to affect their companions, dragging them ever closer to becoming afflicted as well. Then, if you reach the second breaking point, well that’s when the heart attacks happen. They might not always kill one of your heroes, but if somebody has a heart attack when they are already at zero health and hovering at death’s door, then it most certainly will.
Of course if one of your heroes dies, then everybody else becomes more stressed, and sometimes before you know it, all your heroes are dead and you are transported back to your hamlet empty handed (or, as in my case, with a broken laptop screen).
Luckily, there are ways to combat stress, and if your heroes make it back to the hamlet then all manner of stress-relieving actives are available, although which are most effective, or indeed available, may be limited by the particular hero in question, and his or her perks. Perhaps you have a hero that will only relieve stress by visiting the brothel, or perhaps their sexual deviancy precludes them from such activity. Perhaps you only have one space available in the abbey, only to find that the caretaker is occupying it and it’s not available for this turn.
On top of all this is the constant question of whether such investment is worth it. Darkest Dungeon is not a game where you should become attached to your heroes. Are they too broken to be of use? Did they have a heart attack brought on by stress? Or maybe they have too many negative quirks to be really useful. Sometimes it is better to just cut them loose and send them away. There is a never-ending supply of fresh-faced recruits unaware of the horrors they face to exploit, after all.
The greatest thing about Darkest Dungeon is that whilst strategy will help you, your own luck and the fickle mistress that is RNG might just be working against you. It’s a truly excellent game that can be played over and over, with each dungeon you enter being randomly generated and town events popping up between adventures that can be used to your advantage.
On top of the game’s excellent gameplay, you can add in its gorgeous Lovecraftian artwork, and the phenomenal voice acting of Wayne June as the narrator, which all leads to a game that is truly deserving of your attention. Darkest Dungeon staked its claim as my game of last year following its early access and eventual release on January 19th, 2016, and firmly remains in place as one of my favourite games. I still play it on a regular basis, although I do try not to inflict bodily harm on my gaming rig when doing so.
The final string in Darkest Dungeon‘s bow however is not just the game itself, but its creators, Red Hook Studios Inc. Having taken part in the early access the one thing that was very clear right from the start was that the game’s developers not only wanted feedback from their players, but they truly listened to it. Extremely active on social media they were always there to hear complaints, be advised about bugs and just generally interact with their players and answer their questions. A trait that remains in place.
Now, with its first DLC, The Crimson Court, slated for release on 19th June 2017 at the low price of $9.99 (£7.85), there’s even more to be excited about. The new release adds an entire new area to the base game that comes with a new hero class, its own enemies and four unique bosses to fight, amongst other things. In fact, I would say there’s no better time to buy the base game, which is currently only £18.99 on Steam.
And if all the above doesn’t convince you, “let me share with you the terrible wonders that I have come to know“.
Check out the trailer below, which provides not only a look into the world of Darkest Dungeon, but also an example of that excellent voice acting I mentioned earlier.
Oh, and finally, watch out for Shamblers …
Pitch, Please! – Episode 4: Fallout
Welcome to Pitch, Please!, our weekly podcast in which a fistful of geeks get together to discuss their ideas for the next big thing. Come join us and listen to our terrible, awesome, possibly slanderous pitches for all manner of geeky TV shows and movies.
This week…
War…war never changes. Join the boys as they fend off raider attacks and amorous radroaches while pitching their ideas for a Fallout movie! <excited beeping!>
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Review: Bahoochie!
Bahoochie! is an upcoming card from George Mackay, creator of the cartoon monsters known as “Eejits”. It’s a simple game that combines Slap-Jack with elements of the Top Trumps family of games, is played with 2-4 players, and a game can be finished in 20 minutes or less.
A deck consists of two types of cards, the Creature Cards and Bahoochie! Cards. The Creatures are dealt completely to all players involved, and the Bahoochie! cards are set in the middle. The youngest player goes first, picks one of the four categories listed on the top Creature Card in their deck (these cards are kept face-down except for the top card, which is in play) and says the number value to the other players. The other players respond in-kind, then everyone yells “Bahoochie!” before smacking the deck of the same name in the middle. The first person to get their hand on the deck draws the top card and follows the instructions. Once that has been done, the next round goes the same way as the first, and so on.
The Bahoochie! deck is where the game can change. Normally, the player with the highest value of the aforementioned category wins the trump (and collects the cards in play), but Bahoochie! cards can change how a round ends, by forcing players to hand over cards, switch decks or add points to the chosen category, to name a few.
The object of the game is to collect the entire Creature Card deck. If a player runs out of cards, they are out and the game continues until only one is left (again, very similar to Top Trumps).
While this game plays fast and is very family-friendly, it can get boring really quickly. The gameplay is just so repetitive and it’s easy to lose interest after just a couple rounds. Obviously, given the nature of the game, as well as the characters and names of categories, this one is meant to be silly and is geared toward the younger set, but depending on the age of your children, they may only want to play once or twice before they get bored.
The execution also needs some work, in my opinion. It’s too similar to at least two other card games, both of which are very repetitious and grow tiresome quickly. I never liked Slap-Jack as a kid, and it’s not any more fun now that I’m 34. And honestly, the only reason I ever bought a Top Trumps deck was because it was Doctor Who-themed and came in a collectible lunchbox that I really wanted (also, it was on clearance). We bust it out once in a while when our daughter wants to play games, but even then, we only play it once before moving on. I see this game falling into that same category.
The Geek Pride Cast #Thecultofcovfefe
Better late than never but this week Matt, Dave and New guy Jon Jo talk about rude celebs, guns and the cult of covfefe.
Dont forget that all Geek Pride Podcasts, including this one and Pitch, Please! Can be found on Itunes, Google Play, youtube and our website for download.
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Http://www.youtube.com/geekpridetv
Sci Fi & Fantasy Weekender 9 is Go!
To describe the Sci Fi & Fantasy Weekender (SFW) simply as a convention would be a disservice. In reality, SFW is Europe’s largest sci-fi festival, which had over 6,000 sci-fi fans partying hard into the night in March this year.
Although it is still nine months until the next SFW, plans are already afoot to make their next one their biggest yet. SFW9 will have a distinct Star Wars theme, as Ingvild Deila (Rogue One’s Princess Leia) has already been confirmed.
Joining Ingvild Deila will be Hugh Quarshie, who played Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace’s Captain Panaka. Quarshie has become something of a genre actor, as he has also appeared in Red Dwarf, Highlander and Nightbreed. Also appearing will be Alistair Petrie, who played General Draven in Rogue One, as well as starring in Sherlock, Utopia and Cloud Atlas.
Joining the Star Wars crew will be a gentleman who needs no introduction; Colin Baker! Colin was the sixth, and for some the best, incarnation of the nation’s favourite Time Lord.
For those of a more literary persuasion, then there will be the incredibly prolific author Kevin J Anderson. With over 50 bestsellers to his name, Kevin has written tie-in novels for Star Wars, StarCraft and The X-Files. Kevin was also the co-author with Brian Herbert of the Dune prequel series. Kevin has also written the Saga of Seven Suns series and the Nebula Award-nominated Assemblers of Infinity.
SFW would not be the festival it is today without the nocturnal entertainment, and back once again will be the chap-rap auteur Professor Elemental, who will be returning for a full set, as well as hosting throughout the weekend.
Making their much-requested return will be Darth Elvis & The Imperials, a Star Wars themed Elvis cover band parody from Viva Mos Eisley. Their story that Elvis did not die in 1977: he turned to the dark side of the Force and has been playing rock ‘n’ roll through out the Outer Rim Territory ever since.
If that wasn’t enough, the BBC Radiophonic Workshop, a maverick group of experimental composers and musical innovators, will be making an appearance. Within the labyrinthine corridors of the BBC, the Workshop explored new ways of using – and abusing – sound. The world-famous sonic pioneers will be performing their renowned soundtracks, including the iconic Doctor Who theme and (hopefully) Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
Bringing something a little different will be Blues Harvest, whose set list celebrates music from the world of sci-fi movies and television. Highlights including music from Star Wars, Ghostbusters, Guardians of the Galaxy and many more
Joining the guests and the bands will be John Robertson with his celebrated The Dark Room. Also appearing will be The MMORPG show, the antithesis of Knightmare, it brings improvised comedy to table top gaming. Finally, there will also be Knightmare Live, the stage adaptation of the classic 80’s TV show.
There will also be a cabaret performances from the gentleman strongman The Mighty Moustache and escapologist Merlin Cadogan. SFW9 will also have its own cinema showing a variety of films all day and all night, with further film presentations shown in the cabins through the special SFW channel.
SFW9 will take place at Pwllheli in North Wales on 22nd – 25th March 2018. The few remaining rooms and boarding passes can be either booked online on by telephoning 0207 097 1521.
Adam West dies at age 88
It is with great sadness that we must inform you that Adam West, Pop culture hero and all round great guy, has died at age 88.
Best known for his 60s Batman, West struggled to get parts after the series was cancelled only to come back with one of his most memorable roles as the Mayor of Quahog in Family Guy.
He will be deeply missed and all our love and condolences go out to the West family at this time.
a true legend and a great loss; RIP Adam.
This time it’s more – The Alien: Covenant box
A-Box have accrued a reputation for creating unique geek boxes for the discerning geek, which include collector’s items not found anywhere else.
Celebrating the release of Alien: Covenant, which might not be as great as Aliens, but is still not as bad as Prometheus or Alien vs Predator: Requiem, A-Box will be releasing their Alien: Covenant box.
These limited edition boxes contain specimens not found anywhere on earth. These include a “cringeworthy” t-shirt, a “drool proof” hat (useful for Xenomorph goo), a complete pin-set, a dual-purpose keychain and “the ultimate life size replica”.
No idea what they all are exactly – that is part of the surprise – but as this has been officially endorsed by 20th Century Fox, we know it will not just be some cheap tat, that some companies have fobbed is off with in the past.
The price may be higher than others, but you get what you pay for, and in return you receive box worth nearly triple what you paid for. Even the box itself is a work of art (might want to hide it from the kiddies, though!).
Needless to say, I have already put my order in.
“This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off…”
Pitch, Please! – Episode 3: Star Wars Episode IX
Welcome to Pitch, Please!, our weekly podcast in which a fistful of geeks get together to discuss their ideas for the next big thing. Come join us and listen to our terrible, awesome, possibly slanderous pitches for all manner of geeky TV shows and movies.
This week…
A short time ago, in a galaxy really, really close by…the pitchers break out their colourful light swords and duel over their concepts for the end to the mother of all franchises: Star Wars: Episode IX!
Don’t forget Pitch, Please! and the Geek Pride Cast are available on Itunes, Google Play, Youtube and our website.
