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Wonder Woman TV series in development….again

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Not so long ago a pilot of Wonder Woman starring Adrianne Palicki was made and not picked up by NBC. At the time there was a lot of news and set shoots, even some dodgy onset secretly filmed clips. It created a lot of buzz but not without some apprehension among fans of the iconic DC character. The premise was Diana as a successful business woman by day and the superhero we all know and love by night. From what I read at the time I wasn’t really sure I liked some of the changes they had made but there was no question that I would have watched. So when NBC turned their noses up at it, fans like me were a little disappointed. As yet DC and Warner Bros have failed to successfully reboot Wonder Woman in any other format than animation.

However, good news everybody, it has been confirmed that another Wonder Woman TV series is in development by CW. Though still early days, no pilot has been green lit,  a script is in development.  According Vulture the series is to be written by Allan Heinberg, whose credits include The O.C. and Grey’s Anatomy as well a geek credit for writing Young Avengers comic, JLA and four issues of Wonder Woman.  Given the working title ‘Amazon’ it is rumoured the story will focus on the origin and formative years of the ass kicking Diana of Themyscira in a Smallville type way. 

It has been three decades since the wonderful Lynda Carter portrayed Wonder Woman and no one has been able to top her. CW have a history with superheroes, having aired the last few series of Smallville and now the Green Arrow based series Arrow. This bodes well for the chances of ‘Amazon’ going into full production. Plus hot island full of hot women, it can’t really fail. We will wait with baited breath and hope that a series can do the princess justice and doesn’t put a kibosh on the film that is also supposed to be in development. 

 

 

Christian Bale Fulfills wish of young Batman fan with Cancer

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 A little boy named Jayden Barber, who was diagnosed last November with myelodysplastic syndromes leukemia, had all of his wildest dreams come true when, thanks to a facebook group set up to help bring about his wish, he got to meet the real batman! 

 

 Exert from the group: 

 

This group to help make a wish come true for an AMAZING 4 year old boy who is fighting cancer for the second time in his life. One of Jayden’s wishes is to meet the “real Batman” i.e. Christian Bale. The goal is for this group to spread like wild fire! Over the next few weeks, Jayden will become weaker and weaker. Let’s try to make this happen! I don’t know where to begin when I tell you how amazing this whole family is! Their selfless love and tireless efforts to help their son have been an inspiration to all of us who know them. By creating this group, we can draw the attention that we need to help get Christian Bale to come and meet Jayden!

 Well it seems Batman saw their signal, as it was revealed today that the barber family, and young Jayden, were flown to Los Angeles by Bale, treated to lunch at Disney’s Club 33 and able to meet the caped crusader himself! And if that wasn’t good enough news, it seems Jayden is now in remission!

All in all a great story and one that only increases our respect for Christian Bale… a true life super hero!

 

 

WH40k 6th Edition FAQs Released

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AND IM NOT HAPPY!

After a long leave of  absence from the world of WH40k, myself and a few fellow geeks decided to jump back in, build armies and fight to the death!   Not an easy task when you haven’t played in 20 years and the last rule set you looked at was the first ever one, but we struggled on, did it and fun is being had by all; painting, learning the rules and making fun of peoples  camp space marines, with pointy finger (I will name him EDWARDO!)

So why so annoyed Matt, whats up? You ok Champ? 

NO I AM NOT! Things were going so well but today, GW released some new FAQs for their 6th edition rule set and I can no longer use my Stormtalon Gunships or StormRaven in my army!

 

Q: Land Speeder Storms, Stormraven Gunships and Stormtalon Gunships are all listed as Space Marine vehicles in the Reference section. Does this mean that every Space Marine Chapter now has

access to these vehicles as well (i.e. Space Wolves, Blood Angels, Grey Knights etc.)? (p411)

A: No – you may only select units and vehicles that are available in the army list section of your Codex. The one exception is the Stormtalon (as its rules were featured in White Dwarf), but it is only available to armies chosen from Codex: Space Marines.

 

But wait a minute Matt, Wolves can’t fly, you could never use them in the first place?

Not technically true, yes in 5th edition you couldn’t use them at all; the Storm Raven, for example,  was only in the blood Angel and Grey Knight Codex. I accepted that and was happy playing by the rules as set.. BUT then GW started gearing up to some new releases: the storm talon being one of them and of course the new 6th edition .

It is here where things start to get annoying for me. I reaaaaalllly wanted  flyers and with the release of the flyers edition of WD and the 6th edition rules I suddenly had my chance, thanks to typical GW ambiguities… YES!

  • The new Stormtalon model was released in June  and the rules are published in WD. Nothing is mentioned within that said SW’s could not use it. No codex has the ST in its pages and so you can only go by the rules in WD… “the storm talon serves the armies of the Adeptus Astartes”… looks at power armour looks at bolter, looks at 10 foot self in mirror, I AM AN ADEPTUS ASTARTIES!  i can use them… goes out and buys two.
  • The 6th edition rules come out and again ambiguity over what can and cannot be used. Table at back implies storm raven can also be used by any SM chapter… GW, I love your money spinning schemes…. goes out and buys one of them too!

So I now have 3 flyers and a nice happy grin on my face… well until today, when I suddenly have 3 expensive models that I can only use in my army IF they are an attachment of another army, which means having to choose another HQ and troop unit… umm WTF!

I can’t be the only person out there who saw these ambiguities and thought, “nice, we can use flyers now,” Then went out and bought some? The rules are the rules BUT get them right in the first place or at least state: “SW, CAN NOT USE THIS UNIT”, instead of leaving it open to interpretation, so suckers like me will spend their hard earned cash on units they can not use in the army they want to use them in!

In the end, I don’t play tournaments and the guys I play with, despite ribbing me about the fact I have 3 useless models now will be fine with me using them, but that’s not the point; the rules should have stated flatly, who can and cannot use flyers from the start.   

With all the above said…I am still technically a noob at all this, despite being one of the first kids to have the Rogue Trader back in the 80s. So if someone can find me a line in the new 6th edition or the WD that states I couldn’t use these models then I will retract my rant, BUT I don’t think it is there and I think it is intentional, so chumps like me buy more stuff!

You know what? I’m going to use my flyers anyway, AND I’m going to paint them in the same colours as my Space Marine chapter.. HA! 

Rant over 

 

Here are the blasted FAQs for the new 6th edition rules that were released. 

Join the Forum discussion on this post

#GeekFails – Pokemon Red

[box_light]Geeks will often laugh at the mistakes made by non-Geeks about things we feel are important but we are not perfect in these areas either. In an ongoing feature, Geek Pride are going to cover some of the geeky failures made by the writers and contributors to the site. First off, we have Sean P. Wallace:[/box_light]

Now, I am a person who has a tendency to make mistakes, particularly when it comes to the names of characters; only the other day, I called Samwell Tarly from the Game of Thrones series Samwise Gamgee.

But this kind of mistake doesn’t contribute a proper #GeekFail. No, for that I need to take you back to 1999 and the release of Pokemon Red.

Pokemon Red, to me and my peers at the time, was what one would call A Big Deal. It was the game everyone wanted, following the success of the Pokemon cartoon which held many of us rapt. I had a paper round at the time and so I saved up my money and got my parents to order me a copy from Gameplay (back when the games we wanted had to be ordered over the phone from a listing in a Gaming magazine!). My brother got a copy too, as did a mutual friend.

When it arrived, we were straight onto our journeys to become Pokemon Masters. I chose a Squirtle and blasted past Brock and onto Misty. Team Rocket were defeated along the way and I rescued that daft Bill from having turned himself into a computer. I fought to level up my little squad of creatures and then defeated Misty.

And became completely stuck.

I didn’t know what to do next. There was no obvious route to get out of Cerulean City. A tree I could CUT blocked my path but that HM wasn’t available to me. Routes 24 and 25 were dead ends. I’d been in every house and there was no plot, no way of continuing. I spent hours trying to get on but did not know where to go.

And it should be made clear that this was before there was serious access to walkthroughs or tips on the Internet. None of the magazines I read through could tell me where I should go and neither my brother nor my friend could get past this point. The problem was that I spent so long on this part of the game that I became convinced that the game was broken, that there was a bug in the game.

I called up Gameplay (remember them?) and told them that the game was broken. They, in even more of a #GeekFail, listened to me complain about not being able to progress and then accepted that they were at fault, so they sent me another copy.

I got this new copy and, rather aggravated but pleased to have a ‘working’ version, started again. I put in more hours, was more wise about the challenges up until Cerulean City, and then eventually beat Misty again.

And continued to be completely stuck. So I returned the game again.

Thankfully, the third time was the charm. I got up to the Cerulean Gym and worked out that one of the houses changes after you’ve beaten Misty… something I’d not thought to check in almost 40 hours of gaming.

Eventually, I would move on to become a proper Pokemon Master, legitimately getting all 150 Pokemon without any cheats. But I never lived down that part of my career. And whenever I play Fire Red, I wince as I get to the Cerulean Gym and remember my ridiculous #GeekFail.

Jim Carrey confirmed for Kick-Ass 2

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With 3 days until filming begins on Kick-Ass 2:Balls to the Wall, it was confirmed by Mark Millar yesterday that Jim Carrey will be starring in the role of Colonel Stars, the Born Again christian badass, co founder of the superhero group Justice Forever. Mark Millar states:

[quote]Matthew Vaughn, Jeff Wadlow and I did a conference call with Jim a couple of weeks back and we’ve been itching to talk about this ever since because the energy Jim’s going to bring to Colonel Stars has me buzzing as much as Nic Cage with Big Daddy…Nic is really good friends with Jim Carrey and it’s well known to everyone that Jim loved the first movie.[/quote]

As a fan of the first Kick-Ass I am excited for the next and so far the buzz is good. Jim Carrey has done some wonderful work, Me Myself and Irene being my favourite pick, but he does have a tendency to be annoying sometimes, which is always a worry. However, I am confident that in a supporting role and under that watchful eye of director Jeff Wadlow and writers Mark Millar and John Romita Jr he can only add to an already awesome cast and story.

Middle-Earth Roleplaying Project mod for Skyrim, served cease and desist order

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As many of you are aware I love Lord of the Rings, I love it so much I would bed it, have little LOTR babies and live happily ever after in a hollowed out hole in the ground until the day I was summoned across the water to Valinor.

It therefore excited me greatly ( maybe a little too much) to find out that a Modding group (MERP) were making a huge LOT
Rs Mod for Skyrim…This could be better than Skyrim itself, this could be the game that I have been waiting for; the game that will fill the void until the Hobbit movie comes out at christmas!
 
Alas it was not to be, after a trawl of all my favourite sites last night looking for interesting goings on, I stumble across this article on PC Gamer… Looks like Warner Bros. have sent the Modding Group, MERP, a cease and desist order and despite a valiant negotiation attempt on behalf of MERP, WB’s soliciotor was having none of it, and any chance of a LOTRs Mod for Skyrim has been dashed to pieces.
 
I can only guess with the hobbit being released very shortly, that anything to do with the LOTR world is very weak ground to be treading on.
Article taken from PC Gamer

[quote]

Last week, Warner Bros. sent a cease-and-desist letter to the development team of the Middle-Earth Roleplaying Project (MERP), a detailed Skyrim mega-mod portraying the Lord of the Rings experience with quests, iconic characters, locations, and visuals lifted from the books and films. Ambition, like a tenacious hobbit, won’t diminish easily, as MERP’s team set up a petition earlier this week asking fans and followers to convince Warner Bros. to rescind the order.

“As of 2012, the team ported the mod to the newest Elder Scrolls game from its predecessor, Oblivion,” the petition reads. “Since the move, the team has built up a huge following due to its quality and drive. This rise in popularity has also drawn the eyes of Warner Bros., currently the rights-holder to The Lord of the Rings in gaming, who then issued the MERP team a cease-and-desist letter. We now need you, our fans and other gamers, to help make Warner regret sending that letter by showing them just how many people are behind this mod.” A Facebook page for the petition also exists.

The conflict began when modder Marfaer revealed WB’s actions in a forum post, writing, “MERP has received a Cease & Desist letter from Warner Bros because the project uses copyrighted content to which Warner Bros has an exclusive license (names and events). The team has decided to stop development of the mod.”


Speaking to PC Gamer, Maegfaer summarized his communication with WB’s lawyer: “WB first said they wanted to see if we could come to some sort of understanding, but when we offered to remove the Ringbearer mainquest (they mentioned specifically that it was a problem) they refused and immediately wanted us to cease & desist without any further negotiations. We then offered to become a private project, with us only releasing screenshots/movies of MERP to be able to recruit modders, and they still refused. The negotiations felt like a farce, because they refuse anything unless practically all LotR content is removed.”

When we reached out for comment, Warner Bros. VP of Public Relations Remi Skar said simply, “While we appreciate our fans’ enthusiasm, we also need to protect our IP rights.”

Maegfaer also provided excerpts of “the most interesting parts” of the team’s back-and-forth with WB, which are copied below:

Warner Bros. lawyer: As you may be aware, Warner Bros. has developed and is developing, either by itself or through a licensed third party, games based on the LOTR and Hobbit properties. From the description of MERP available publicly, we understand that it essentially amounts to a LOTR game, which contains numerous similar elements to legitimately licensed LOTR/Hobbit games. The release of MERP into the marketplace will likely result in customer confusion and cannibalization with respect to such legitimately licensed LOTR/Hobbit games and will detract from the value proposition bargained and paid for by legitimate licensees of the LOTR/Hobbit properties. Furthermore, projects and games like MERP will diminish and erode Warner Bros.’ ability to manage and protect the brand, reputation and quality of the LOTR/Hobbit properties that it has invested significant resources to cultivate over the years.

We would like to explore with you ways to modify MERP to address our concerns from the intellectual property rights-holder’s perspective while, to the extent possible, allowing you to achieve at least some of what you wanted to accomplish with MERP. If you are interested in exploring that kind of an approach, please give me your contact details so we can arrange a time to talk. Among other things, we would like to see a description of the mod, settings, characters, etc. and understand how far along in development the mod is, when you were hoping to launch the mod, and who the key team members are that we should be talking to about altering the mod to remove the Hobbit/LOTR content.

MERP: It’s understandable that a Ringbearer questline is problematic to Warner Bros, since it would re-tell the story of a large part of the books. Although it hurts, the team could probably agree to scratch the Ringbearer questline and not make any of the main characters (such as Frodo, Gandalf, Aragorn, Théoden, etc.) from the book available for playing, nor let the player follow major parts of main character’s stories told in the book.

That way the player would only have occasional contact with main characters, who would usually merely function as quest givers to send the player on their own path. Usage of copyrighted contents from the books would then be minimal.

Warner Bros. lawyer: Thank you for your email. Unfortunately the removal of book content from MERP as outlined in your email does not sufficiently address our concerns, as MERP would still contain many infringing elements. Based on the information that you provided and in light of the current stage of development, we ask that all development efforts in connection with MERP be terminated at this time. This includes, among other things, cessation of the use of the name “Middle-earth”, which is the subject of a trademark registration owned by The Saul Zaentz Company d/b/a Middle-earth Enterprises. Please respond at your earliest convenience to confirm that you will comply with the foregoing demand.

MERP: Development of MERP has been halted, as per your request.

We have another proposal though. We could turn our mod into a private project, meaning that we wouldn’t have any public releases of the mod’s game content. The mod would only be distributed among the developers of the mod, which would take away MERP from the marketplace and thus avoid any customer confusion and not harm Warner Bros’ ability to manage and protect the reputation of the LOTR properties.

If Warner Bros will allow us to pick up and resume development of our mod, we will rename the project to get rid of the usage of the Middle-Earth trademark, and to the public we will merely mention that we have become a private project to prevent legal issues. Public presentation of the team’s efforts (through pictures and the occasional video) will be limited, merely serving the goal of recruiting other talented modders to preserve the vitality of the mod’s development team.

We think that this solution would take away any conflict of interest between Warner Bros and us modders, leaving both parties satisfied and unharmed.

Warner Bros. lawyer: Thank you for confirming that you have complied with our request to cease development. We have considered your proposal to turn the mod into a private project, and while we appreciate and commend you for your creativity and willingness to address our concerns, we cannot authorize the MERP team’s use of the LOTR/Hobbit properties in the mod, whether as a private project or otherwise. Accordingly, we cannot agree to your request to resume development.

[/quote]

 

Pug does Batman theme

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This was brought to my attention a while back by my 9 year old daughter, who was shown it by her awesome teacher. I rediscovered it again today. So if you have not yet seen this knocking around the internet (where have you been?) here it is for your viewing pleasure, I dare you not to share it.

When did Vampires become so sexy?

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Introduction

With the likes of the Twilight Series, True Blood and The Vampire Diaries filling our screens, it is clear many people now associate Vampire with Edward or Bill Compton, with attractive young actors and a sexiness associated with restraint and danger.

However this was not always the case. Their thirst for blood, their undead nature and their weakness to sacred items terrified people throughout history, causing panic and many grave disturbances (pun intended!).

So how did this transformation take place?

Legends

There have been many legends of blood-sucking creatures but Vampires as we can recognize them were corpses inhabited by their vengeful spirits. Legends differed as to why these souls would return; Romany legends of the Bhuta attributed their return to an ‘untimely death’ whereas Hinduism and Romanian mythology thought that suicides and people who lived other unholy lives (such as sorcerers and those who committed grievous sins) would return.

Another common aspect was the thirst for blood, though this often manifested as the consumption of human flesh. The obvious terror this presented was the shift in the food chain; we’re used to being top of the tree, to not being the prey of something stronger and faster. Being fed upon, having to face a creature beyond your limitations, appeals to the reptilian parts of our brain; the fight or flight aspect which remembers when we were small and hunted.

There’s also the significance of blood; always related to the family, to your past and heritage, the theft of blood can be personal, an affront. In the West particularly, blood was closely linked to Paganism and Witchcraft. Especially before the eighteenth century, when witch hunts were common, the Vampire’s need to drink blood linked them with imagined evils and the devil.

Finally, they hated sacred items such as holy water and religious symbols. With religion so strong, Vampires having no power over, or even being injured by, such things meant people could not sympathize with them. Even where the legends stated that it was not the soul’s fault that they’d become Vampires, such as where they had committed suicide, the creatures were hated and feared. And the corpses of anyone suspected of being a Vampire were readily desecrated as a result.

 

Eighteenth Century Vampire Controversy

But Vampires were just small legends, rural beliefs of Eastern Europeans or creatures from classical mythology. It was a series of reported Vampirism cases in Eastern Europe which brought them into the mainstream. This was later dubbed the ‘Eighteenth Century Vampire Controversy’

In 1721 in Eastern Prussia and then between 1725 and 1734 in the Habsburg Monarchy, government officials were involved in cases of Vampirism, reporting on attacks and documenting the corpses of people who had either been Vampires or had been attacked by them. The case of Arnold Paole, a reported Vampire in the Serbian region in 1732, in particular was widely published and distributed across Europe, starting a generation of debate and controversy compounded with ongoing reports of Vampirism from rural Eastern Europe.

Then, as the debate began to die down, a French theologian named Dom Calmet produced two treatises on the report of Vampirism which reignited the controversy. The first of which was in 1746 and the second in 1751. These were, at the least, agnostic towards the existence of Vampires and even admitted that some corpses could have been preserved by Vampire attacks. This was in spite of Calmet’s skepticism towards the existence of Vampires, which fanned the flames of the controversy further.

It was only when Gerard van Swieten, the personal physician to the Austrian Empress Maria Theresa, was sent to investigate Vampire attacks that the controversy died. His essay Discourse on the Existence of Ghosts, presented a solid case against the ‘simple’ beliefs of rural people and inspired others to examine the reports of Vampirism and find other, more mundane reasons for deaths attributed to Vampires, such as disease or contaminated water supplies.

This convinced the Empress to instigate laws against the traditional process for killing vampires, which put paid to the controversy across Europe. Reports died down and the Age of Rationality truly took hold.

 

From Scream to… Scream

But the Vampire was now in our consciousness, a superstition for writers to add flesh to. The creatures appeared for generations as vicious creatures, monsters to be feared, staying with the original legends.

However, this changed when Lord Byron produced his epic poem The Giaour, which paved the way for the modern Vampire and the romanticizing of the creatures. Lord Byron recognized a metaphor for lust in the thirst for blood and produced a more sympathetic view of the Vampire, something more understandably human. He also added the concept of the undead passing its condition on to the living from feeding, which had not been a part of the Vampire mythos until then.

This, I believe, was the beginning of Vampires becoming the subject of fantasies; the transmission of Vampirism related to our most basic of urges, the desire to procreate, to pass our DNA on to the next generation. Vampirism became like sex, with infection being a metaphor for pregnancy, and thusly Vampires were creatures of lust.

It was also Lord Byron who inspired the first truly romantic Vampire; his physician, John Polidori, wrote the short story The Vampyre and created the Vampire character Lord Ruthven. Lord Ruthven was the first example of a Vampire being sexy and alluring, of them having refinement and restraint despite their private and abhorrent urges – a very Victorian trait, one which many could associate with. This Gothic novel gave birth to the idea of a Vampire being not just a fantastic creature but also an attractive being.

Lord Ruthven and The Vampyre became an immediate sensation, inspiring many writers to pick up this particular incarnation of the Vampire. He was adapted into several other stories and inspired at least four different plays, two operas and various poems. It was only after Bram Stoker’s Dracula became famous that Lord Ruthven faded.

Since then, the Vampire has varied between being a monster and being a fantasy. The current spate of attractive Vampires is simply a return to Polidori’s concept. Many view these works as perversions of the Vampire myth but they are merely continuing the traditions which Lord Byron started and inspired, modernizing these ideas and concepts.

Just as Byron and Polidori ended up typifying the perfect Victorian gentleman with their Vampires, we now have authors turning Vampires into the perfect modern man; they are restrained, withhold the transmission of their condition and are in control. They are what women in general want a man to be; considerate, tempered and restrained… until they want them to be otherwise.

So if you want someone to blame for sparkling Vampires and women swooning over Robert Pattinson, it’s not Stephanie Meyer; it’s Lord Byron.

I always suspected…

Dust and Sand – Chapter 11 – By Sean P. Wallace

Chapter 11

In his dream, Father Kilkenny saw last Sunday happen again.

It had been quiet. The beasts and demons always keep their distance on Sundays and that continued even during the troubles; it was the Lord’s day after all, a day when they had no power over the hearts of men. As a result, the Father found himself with precious free time the last few Sundays, time he often used to catch up on his sleep or preach to his flock.

But not last Sunday, no. Last Sunday he’d been angry.

This was just after the winged children had appeared again, after he’d spent hours placating grieving parents, telling them their children were safe in the Lord’s Kingdom. Seeing his flock weep so made the hothead in him want to act. So he’d headed out into the Badlands, into the eighth circle of Hell, to find a cause for the troubles. ‘God helps those who help themselves,’ after all.

What a fool he’d been.

His dreams were usually irrational – a likely by-product of his once-great thirst – and this one was no exception; he was ten again as he left Crucifix, a wiry Irish boy with more hair than strength and more freckles than brains.

The Badlands seized him immediately, a dusty wasteland that sipped at his strength and ground down his resolve. It was dark and strange tastes seasoned the air. Keeping low, he climbed up hills that jutted like broken bones. His fingers bled from invisible bites whenever he touched the ground and the foul reek of corruption, sin and hatred filled his nose. He could hear nothing but the furious frenzy of his heart.

Time jumped forward and he was sharing a great plain with him; the murderer, the dark man. Tall, a horror in black leather, the dark man walked as though accompanying a pretty woman through a verdant park. The spurs on his grim old shoes echoed like hammer blows.

Though he stood only six feet tall, the deep shadow he cast was maybe a mile long. It was no natural shadow, more a deep marsh of decay that promised horrible diseases and parasites. Father Kilkenny watched as the shadow crawled to meet him and his feet sank into that murk which filled his boots.

Then it began dragging him at the dark man’s gentle pace.

Father Kilkenny quaked. The dark man was death, horrible death by pale skin and slim hands. He struggled to free his feet from the shadow but his every struggle drew him further and further into that terrible mire.

He tried screaming but his mouth refused to move. He put his small, bleeding hands to his face and found that his mouth had disappeared. No, he realised; he’d left it behind in the chapel, where he’d absent-mindedly used it as a bookmark.

Through his nose, the Father heaved great panicked breaths.

His discomfort seemed to please the dark man. Father Kilkenny didn’t know how he knew that but he did. He again thrashed about like a caged animal to free himself but to no avail; wherever the dark man was headed, Father Kilkenny was going too.

Someone screamed in the distance. Father Kilkenny tried to find them but the landscape shifted before he could; now he and the dark man were at opposite ends of a deep valley, facing each other. The dark man’s long shadow plunged down the sheer rock now, not able to reach the Father. No, it had another target now; a mile or so below them stood fifty men in familiar uniforms, Texan soldiers, who were ankle-deep in darkness. They surrounded the Virgin Mary, had their rifles nestled in the hollows of their shoulders and they looked panicked. And who wouldn’t be if they were protecting so precious a cargo?

The Father could move now he was free of the dark man’s shadow so he knelt and put his hands together in prayer. Those soldiers had an innocent to protect, perhaps the most innocent human to have ever been, so the Lord must be entreated to protect them. Eyes closed, the boy Kilkenny sent his prayers to Him.

But there was only a soft laugh in return, a deep and disbelieving sound.

When the Father opened his eyes, his hands were tied together by a rope of thorns that dug into his flesh, brought welts of blood to the surface. The thorns bound his hands and his struggles only made them tighten.

He looked around for support, left and right, up and down, as the thorns’ grip on him intensified but found none. The dark man had disappeared, though, which left him hopeful until he was the dark man at the base of the valley. Fifty crucifixes surrounded him and he clutched the Virgin Mary. The Mother of God dangled like a rag doll from his bony hands and wept blood.

“No!” Father Kilkenny screamed.

And that was when he awoke panting. He was on his feet, hands pressed together. For a moment, he was still in the dream, still ten, and could not understand where the dark man had gone or why had he been brought to a small dark room that smelled of old paper. Then his senses returned; the dark man did not have the Virgin Mary and his hands were not bound by thorns.

Feeling foolish, he sat on his bed. The sheets were soaked with sweat. So were his bedclothes.

Before Watchmen – Full Series Review – 6 GPPs

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 Straight to the Point : More miss than hit, but the high points make up for it.

 

It’s been a slow, bleak and generally shitty month. It’s hard to say which I hate more: being owed money by people or owing money to people. But hey, at least we have comics!

Naturally, we didn’t pirate any because our glorious leaders have decided to make all UK ISPs block The Pirate Bay. Because, as we all know, TPB is the only way for anyone to illegally obtain information. Congratulations, government, you’ve stopped piracy in the UK!

*cough* Anyway. So, the long-anticipated Watchmen prequel, the imaginatively-titled Before Watchmen, is finally hitting shelves. Although Alan Moore and even, surprisingly, Dave Gibbons are all like “Uh, why is this a thing? Don’t make this a thing, don’t buy this thing” I am nothing if not curious. Also my standards for entertainment are notoriously low (I like the Resident Evil films, that pretty much says it all) so I figured I might get some light enjoyment out of it.

The reviews will be brief, but I make no apologies because I have the complete AvX and The Invisibles to get through.

 

The Comedian

The Comedian is a beautiful paradox; a violent unstoppable sociopath who is somehow the only person empathic enough to realise that such dark impulses rest in the hearts of us all. So it’s a bit jarring to see him playing ball with his good chums Jack and Bobby Kennedy. Weirder still are Jackie O’s repeated assertions that the Comedian loves them, whilst he constantly insists he respects them. I’ve seen subtler gay undertones in Seaman Cox: Love on the Seven Seas. It was brilliant to see Comedian and Moloch connecting over the death of JFK, but I didn’t quite buy the “everyone was devastated” angle that was taken. I didn’t understand why possible drug-dealer definitely pimp Moloch was so attached to the progressive democratic president. Then again, I’m an ignorant limey so there’s probably something I’m missing.

The Comedian killed Marilyn Monroe as a favour to Jackie O. I would’ve put a spoiler alert in front of that, but it’s over so quickly it hardly qualifies as a plot point at all. The mysterious death of one of the greatest cultural figures of all time was reduced to six panels. SIX. FUCKING. PANELS. And aside from that one incident and a couple of good-natured uses of the word “fuck”, it’s a softer, more huggable Comedian we’re seeing here. Not sure if want.

Rating: 3 happy faces out of 5

 

The Minutemen

The Minutemen could easily work as the in-universe abridged graphic novel of Hollis Mason’s autobiography. Basically, the first Nite Owl’s book ‘Under the Hood’ serves as the narration for the story, and it works, although it takes a couple of pages to get into its stride. It’s worth sticking with, purely for the sentence “Deep keening animal sounds splitting the night air over and over, punctuated by blubbering pleas and desperate intakes of air” which as close to Moore as we’re going to get.

The characters previously established in Watchmen remain true to their personalities- Silk Spectre is peppy and charming, the Comedian is unpredictable and sadistic (how unfortunate that his solo comic has watered him down so much) and Hooded Justice is as mysterious and ruthless as his name implies. Silhouette, however, was a bit of a disappointment. I was fascinated by her when I read Watchmen; no mean feat considering all we knew about her then was what she looked like, and that she was a dead lesbian who uncovered a child prostitution ring. Now they’ve felt the need to add “escaping the Nazis” to her backstory, which seems to be thrown in just to add a bit of depth. It’s sad that the Holocaust has been reduced to something writers use for instant character depth. But hey, maybe it will actually be deconstructed and covered in more detail in later issues. Maybe. But I wouldn’t bet on it.

Rating: 4 costumed crimefighters out of 5

 

Nite Owl

With his incredible intelligence, Nite Owl-dedicated shrine of a bedroom, and daydreamy ways, Daniel Dreiberg seems like he has Asperger’s. Which makes so much sense. I think, along with Minutemen, this comic best captures the mood of the original. The scenes of the original Nite Owl in action have an almost cringe-worthy Golden Age charm, but turn the page and you’re confronted with a scene of Danny’s dad beating and raping his mum. It’s a lot less subtle than Watchmen, but times change and you need to be a little more extreme to acheive the same shock value these days. The full-page image of Danny walking into the Owlcave for the first time is so simple it’s brilliant: far from Bruce Wayne’s multi-storey theme park of a secret hideout, the Owlcave has merely a gun rack, the costume and Owljet, and a study/library corner. It manages to convey both a sense of awe, and the realisation that yes, this is just the one guy working out of his basement.

The one area where this falls flat is when Rorschach appears. This Rorschach appears to be less maladjusted sociopath, more adorable android. He makes attempts at humour, amusingly misunderstands other people’s attempts at humour, and -when Laurie turns up in her leave-nothing-to-the-imagination Silk Spectre costume- makes no misogynistic comment at her, but simply observes that Nite Owl must have an erection. Oh dear.

Rating: 4 owl-related gadgets out of 5

 

Silk Spectre

Silk Spectre is a decent enough tale of teenage rebellion: high-schooler Laurie Jupiter had a turbulent childhood, and is now rebelling against her mother’s constant demands that she take up the Silk Spectre mantle. She also has a crush on a boy. The boy has an abusive father and wants to run away just as much as Laurie does- not that it matters, because his sole purpose is to play the role of First Love. You could replace him with a David Hasselhoff poster and the story would still work. The first issue ends with Laurie and Boy getting on a VW camper with a bunch of dope-smoking hippies (gettit? because it’s the 60s!) and driving off somewhere, presumably Woodstock.

The story so far is engaging enough, but other than some nudge-nudge-wink-wink references to Sally’s time as a porn star, it lacks any real bite. It would work well in a more mainstream comic -change the names and this would make a brilliant backstory for a new Birds of Prey character- but next to its infamous predecessor it comes off looking almost unbearably twee.

Rating: 3 psychedelic peace signs out of 5