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Review: Zoolander No.2

Last Thursday I was very lucky to attend the premier of Zoolander No.2 at the Empire Cinema in Leicester Square. After walking down the blue carpet (obviously), we were treated to the man himself Ben Stiller giving a speech about how this is the film the fans have been asking for.

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Then he did this…. No seriously 

If they were asking for a relatively mediocre hour and forty minutes of sometimes funny cinema that’s what they got.

Zoolander No.2 follows the titular Derek Zoolander as he comes to terms with his wife’s death by the building that he built, the wonderfully named “Derek Zoolander Centre for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Want To Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too”. After that his young son is taken away from him, he has to go back to the world of fashion to prove he is a fit father, there is an inexplicable conspiracy he gets caught up in yadda, yadda, yadda.

So as you can see this sequel’s plot is as ludicrous as the first but where the first Zoolander seemed to revel in its absurdity. Zoolander No.2 at times takes itself a little too seriously with overblown and oddly out of place action scenes that detract from what I think should be the cornerstone of every comedy film- the comedy.

Like most comedy sequels (and to some extent all sequels) Zoolander No.2 suffers from the recycling of the same material (Hangover Two, anyone?). Now I know it should be in there for the fans and those who are new to a series. However, when your two main gags are “wow these guys are stupid” and “isn’t the world of fashion ridiculous” it’s time to add new strings to your bow. However there is a point in the film when it does treat its old material the right way; a scene that riffs off the gas station party with disastrous consequences from the first film. It works well and is hilarious it also comes complete with Wham’s jitterbug, who doesn’t love a bit of Wham?

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I know these guys don’t

 

To give the film its due it does try to come up with new strings to its aforementioned bow, with its making fun of modern fashion, hipsters and social media culture which admittedly does tickle the old funny bone in some scenes. Although this may be true it does have a sort of “those darn kids today” attitude which really falls short because all those twenty somethings that were fans of the original kind of are those “darn kids”.

Now the film does have some redemptive qualities. A personal highlight is Will Ferell’s reprisal of the evil fashion designer Jacobine Mugatu which is still delightfully absurd. His first scene involves a “face off” reference which by and large is one of the funniest moments of the film. Where Zoolander No.2 really shines is in the use of its celebrity cameos which I won’t spoil. Needless to say these cameos work best when the celebrity or actor is made to play against type and they provide a fair amount of the films unique humour. The film is breezily paced only clocking in at about 1:42 which for a comedy that lacks any real substance is perfect in my opinion. Also Stiller’s direction does well to blend the two styles of the action blockbuster and the Hollywood comedy well, even if it doesn’t quite achieve the balance of tone that I feel is lacking.

In conclusion Zoolander No.2 is a relatively fun but flawed film. It shines when it embraces its absurdity and in its use of the cornucopia of celebrity cameos. However its reliance on the previous films material and its tendency to grab a proper tone really lets it down overall. Should you watch it? In short, maybe? If you have a few shmeckles free, you are fan of the first film and there is nothing else on at your local cinema of choice then yes. If you prefer your comedy a little cleverer and less obvious don’t bother your just going to be disappointed.

Zoolander No.2 is out in cinemas everywhere 12/02/16

MULP: Sceptre of the Sun – International release

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The creator owned comic book has gotten its international release only two days ago, via Diamond Comics. Sceptre of the Sun is the first part of Matt Gibbs and Sara Dunkerton’s pulp adventure, featuring anthropomorphic mice who find themselves in the middle of a conspiracy. You can read our interview with them  here. Jim Campbell, and Eagle Award-nominee has done the lettering for the comic, completing the team behind this project.

Sceptre of the Sun follows the exploits of Jack Redpath and Vicky Jones as they attempt to unravel a mystery surrounding an ancient stone tablet unearthed during an archaeological excavation in Egypt. This tablet is the first marker on an adventure that sees them racing around the world in search of a legendary treasure. Joined by their friends Cornelius Field, Prof. Walter Harvest-Scott, and Elisabeth Harvest-Scott, together they must prevent a powerful artefact falling into unscrupulous paws.

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Having read the first part of MULP, I have to agree with what most reviewers have already said: it’s a fun adventure, suitable for all ages that will please readers both aesthetically and fulfil their need for adventure. The attention to detail is what proved just how much work has gone into this comic, and the smooth transition from one panel to the next truly sell the story.

Since the 10th of February,  MULP: Sceptre of the Sun #1 has become available in most comic shops and can be pre-ordered via the Diamond Code: DEC151416. The second part of MULP has yet to be released internationally, but here’s to hoping it won’t take too long.

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The Purge: Election Year trailer goes straight for the jugular

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I don’t think any film franchise has surprised me as much as The Purge has.

Writer/Director James DeMonaco’s 2013 sci-fi horror film had an interesting concept, America now run by a totalitarian government and a police state has one night a year called “The Purge” where for 12 hours all crime, including murder, is legal. The only rules being certain weapons like explosives are not allowed and Government officials of a certain level are not allowed to be targeted.

Despite the interesting premise the first film failed to really capitalise on its ideas but due to its popularity The Purge: Anarchy followed and this was a distinctly different affair. The great Frank Grillo essentially playing an analogue of The Punisher in a film with some viciously brutal social political commentary about America as he discovers that The Purge is really just a way for the government to cull the poor, the homeless and other undesirables.

Now DeMonaco is back and Purge fans will no doubt be happy to see that the first trailer shows Grillo is back as the nameless Sergeant in The Purge: Election Year which looks set to be just as vicious as the previous film in its commentary as well as its action.

Sci-Fi Weekender – The Seventh Cycle

Now that the silly season is behind us, we can focus our attention on something far more important – namely the Sci-Fi Weekender. Less of a convention and more of a festival, the weekend event is one long geek party that celebrates the very best in science-fiction and fantasy.

This year is no mistake, with the actors Brian Blessed and Garrett Wang, as well as comic artist Glenn Fabry. Joining will also be a plethora of authors, including Emma Newman, A. S. Chambers and Sam Stone.

The world’s leading cosplayer Tabitha Lyons will also be making an appearance with her prop-making father Nic Samiotis, who will be providing a series of demonstrations on building costumes.

There will also be a special preview screening of British sci-fi/horror film Pandorica, followed by a Q&A panel with the writer/director Tom Paton and several cast members from the film.

Alongside, there will also be a series of demonstrations by the BBC Radiophonic Workshop and the night time entertainment, which is once again brought to you by the fantastical Area 51.

This year’s Sci-Fi Weekender is promising to be another excellent event that every discerning sci-fi geek should attend.

Tickets are still available from here, but don’t delay.  When they are gone, they are gone.

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Horror Spotlight: Deathgasm

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Deathgasm

 

Have you ever found yourself wishing that there could be more metal in your horror films? Maybe you think that headbanging and hiding behind the pillow shouldn’t be mutually exclusive. Perhaps you ask yourself why can’t the main characters in this movie be in a band? If so then Deathgasm might just be the film for you. Featuring plenty of gore, an awesome soundtrack and great humour, you’ll struggle to find a horror comedy as metal as this.

A social outcast by the name of Brodie (Milo Cawthorne) befriends a fellow music lover named Zakk (James Blake) and the two decide to form a band. One thing leads to another and the pair obtain some sheet music from an old idol of theirs. Playing the music causes a change in the townspeople as demons descend upon the suburb, looking to kill whoever they come into contact with. Together, they must find a way to banish the demons, save the town and hopefully get the girl on the way.

The debut feature of Jason Lei Howden was released on 15th March 2015 and received mostly favourable reviews upon its release. I personally think that more people should be aware of it. It’s a must see for any horror or heavy metal fan. A lot of horror nowadays threatens to get stale, with the same stories getting told, the same characters featuring throughout and the same conventions constantly touched upon. Deathgasm succeeds in breaking up the monotony and delivering a fun, fresh film that is definitely worth a watch.

The biggest problem with Horror Comedy is that it often leaves out one side of the equation, either delivering a painfully unfunny attempt at ‘comedy’ or featuring horror in name only. Deathgasm strikes a nice balance, with the gore oftentimes hilarious and making the audience empathetic towards the life of the main character. After all, who can’t relate to not being accepted, constantly trying to find a place that you fit in. This may also have the award of the first film in history to feature somebody being killed by a dildo. Don’t miss out on it!

DEADPOOL Review: Unleash the Chimichangas!

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Now, just to make this very clear to all the mommies and daddies reading and in true Deadpool fashion, I’m going to lay some truth: There’s no way you could have made this beautiful love story of a film into a child-friendly version. Not even Make a Wish Foundation could have granted that one. It would have been 15 minutes of him playing with an electronic taxi window, with over-the-top cliché Indian music playing in the background!!!

The rest of the film is dedicated to our chimichanga-loving Merc with a Mouth and it does not disappoint not one bit. Deadpool has broken through the 4th wall, knocked out the 5th wall and used it to beat the 6th, 7th and 8th wall within an inch of their lives. Now, before the nitpicking begins I’ll get this out of the way: Wade Wilson doesn’t break the 4th wall, but Deadpool does!

The film is written as if Deadpool himself has jumped off the pages of his “Origin” story and graced us with his presence. It’s so brilliant in fact it borderlines on pornographic for die hard Deadpool fans. Our Favorite Merc is no longer a mouth sewn up dot-to-dot like he was in Wolverine: Origins (which the film makes fun of) but a badass in tight spandex with CG eyes that can project the best of Deadpool’s mannerisms. There are nods and pokes left and right to Ryan Reynolds past mistakes as a superhero (Green lantern Teehee) with some of the best written cameos in a Marvel Film.

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It’s everything I could have asked for or wanted, it stayed true to Deadpool form and delivered where most people thought and feared it would take a nosedive. What started off as a 3 minutes Test footage “leak” has blossomed into an amazing thrill ride that has already got a sequel in the mix right now! Those who are smart enough to stay till the very end of the credits will see a sneak peak, well I say a sneak peek it’s more a hint or hidden suggestion. The hidden cameos: including Stan Lee’s amazing M.C cameo in a Pole Dancers Bar, a very battered Helicarrier we last saw in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Deadpool co-creator Rob Liefeld also makes a cameo appearance as does the Xavier Institute.

Oh and one final surprise cameo, Bob makes his debut!

As we know, the X-Men play a part in this film well at least two of them anyway along with some subtle 4th wall jabs at Patrick Stewart and James McAvoy. The Involvement of the X-Men in the story suggests that Deadpool has had run-ins with the Mutants before, which Colossus confirms by telling us he’s been offered a place in their ranks. Nothing against Daniel Cudmore, but we finally have a fan pleasing Colossus (Stefan Kapičić – voice, Andre Tricoteux – stop motion). He IS 7 feet tall and DOES speak with a Russian accent. He also acts with all the gentlemanly etiquette that Pieter Rasputin has in the comic books, especially when acting as a “big brother” and teacher to rookie NegaSonic Teenage Warhead (Brianna Hildebrand).

The X-mansion we see in the film gives the impression that Deadpool’s story takes place after X-Men Apocalypse and is reconfirmed by a conversation between NegaSonic and Colossus about the mansion being destroyed and rebuilt every couple of weeks.interpreting-total-film-s-deadpool-teaser-preview-798882

The storyline to this Epic Love story is a tale as old as a left over chimichanga. In an effort to cure his cancer and remain with the love of his life Vanessa Carlysle (Morena Baccarin), former special forces operative Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds) was subjected to an experiment that makes the scenes of the weapon X programme look like a box full of kittens. This leaves him with accelerated healing powers, disfigured skin and a “dark, twisted yet always funny” sense of humor. Armed with new abilities and a new identity, Wilson hunts down the man who nearly destroyed his life.

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That man is Ajax (Ed Skrein) A mutant with enhanced strength and an inability to feel pain, who is a weapons expert and all round sadist with a twisted view on experimentation. He is also member of the Weapon X program that was responsible for Wolverine. By Ajax’s side is the silent yet deadly Angel Dust (Gina Carano), who has the same abilities as Colossus except for the Silver skin.

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We all know the silver skinned titan Colossus, but not so much about his trainee. Negasonic Teenage Warhead is a teenage X-Men who possesses powers to detonate atomic bursts from her body. In the comic books she has some telepathic capabilities, but for the film the writers wanted her to have a visual and more offense power, which she uses with devastating results against Angel Dust.

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Other cheery characters come in the form of T.J. Miller as Weasel: Wade’s best friend and local Bar Owner. The verbal ping pong matches between him and Wade makes for classic comedic viewing and it still shocks me that only two jokes were cut from the feature film. Leslie Uggams plays comic book favourite Blind Al; An elderly blind woman and Deadpool’s roommate who also acts as his confidante and sometimes wise council, who’s mouth rivals that of Deadpool from time to time.

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When it came to Marketing this film, the way Fox went about it was perfection. In my opinion the ideas that came out were thought of by creative geniuses. In July 2015, director Miller and several cast members attended the 2015 San Diego Comic-Con to present the trailer of the film, which received a standing ovation from attendees who requested that it be played again.

In December 2015, Fox launched a viral marketing campaign titled “The 12 days of Deadpool”, which consisted of one website posting new info about the film each day, with the culmination of a new trailer released on Christmas Day. The general marketing campaign for the film has garnered a positive reaction in the media; two particular items that were noted as effective was a campaign to feign Deadpool as a Valentine’s Day romance film and a billboard only containing the emoji’s “??L” (which journalists called “dumb, yet hilarious”). Mr Pool even campaigned for testicular cancer requesting we “Touch ourselves”.

On January 19, 2016, two screenings of supposedly yet unseen footage in New York and Los Angeles turned out to be surprise screenings of the entire film; Screen Rant noted that fan reactions to the film were “overwhelmingly positive” and It appeared that Deadpool was staying true to source material – they were right!

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To sum things up, I’m going to see Deadpool again tonight and as often as I can, this film is a definite crowd pleaser and one any Marvel fan or Deadpool fan will enjoy going to see again and again. I’m already looking forward to the sequel due out next year (yes that quickly) and with an opening weekend falling on Valentine’s Day I can see a lot of couples catching Deadpool fever and many babies being named Wade!

Deadpool is on general UK release now, for everyone else 12th of February.

Final Trailer for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

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It’s out, a brand spanking new trailer for the very much anticipated Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. The final trailer before the films release features mostly Batman with an awesome sequence of the Dark Knight kicking ass. We’re also treated to a little of Batman and Superman going at it (poor Batmobile) but, disappointingly, a only few spoken words from Wonder Woman with one shot new action shot of her.

My expectations for this film are a little guarded, mostly due to Superman: Man of Steel and DC/Warner Bros history of avoiding a Wonder Woman solo film. I want it to be good and I hope with all my heart they don’t mess up Diana, plus, I’ve got my fingers crossed that Ben Affleck pulls off Bruce Wayne. I liked the trailer, it got me a little excited, so let’s just hope it can live up to all the hype. Let us know what you think of the trailer in the comments below.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is due for release in the US on the 20th March 2016 and the UK on the 25th March.

Ghostbusters: Rebooting a classic

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When news of Paul Feig’s Ghostbusters reboot initially broke, suffice to say it caused a great deal of polarity in opinion. From the very beginning, it caused widespread division within the GB fandom, with further details and information giving greater traction to a constant war of words and outrage. Earlier this week in fact, one of GP’s own newest recruits Mark Hughes  addressed the issue of hate directed towards the film – and now it’s my turn.

I suppose I should start off by saying I’m not really a major Ghostbusters fan. I watched the films and cartoons as a kid alongside my brother – and I liked them, (Janine especially) but not enough to say they were my childhood heroes. This might make me a little more objective when it comes to the prospect of a reboot, because it’s not a fandom I’m fully invested in or even all that aware of. I do however, understand what it’s like to watch something you cherish and have grown up alongside suddenly deviate from what you know.

A lot of the protest to the reboot has been branded as misogynistic tripe because of the decision to head-up the movie with an all female cast – but from talking to GB fans I would argue that the rampant sexism is only a very small percentage of those objecting. The greater issue comes from uncertainty over the casting choices and the simple fear that perhaps, despite good intentions, Feig won’t do justice to such a beloved franchise. This is a valid concern and understandable given the fandom’s role as such a beloved cult staple.

(Picture: Columbia Pictures)
(Picture: Columbia Pictures)

So let’s clear up a few things shall we.

Firstly, Paul Feig is hardly inexperienced. He’s been in the industry longer than I have actually been alive. Granted he started out as an actor, but his directing and writing credits are formidable in their own right. You’ve probably heard of him thanks to his quirky comedies like The Heat or Spy, but did you know he’s also directed for multiple acclaimed TV Shows? He’s leant his talents to everything from Mad Men through to Weeds and Arrested Development – and despite common assumption, is very much aware of the franchise’s legacy and how important this film is to fans.

Directors don’t generally wade into projects without researching them, or being fully aware of what they’re signing onto. He’s not going in blind. He’ll have thought long and hard about what he wants to convey on screen and how that ties into the franchise foundations laid by the original cast and writers, back in 1984. He knows he’s got big shoes to fill – and honestly, he’s got the potential there to pull it off.

Secondly, contrary to popular belief, the acting talent isn’t bad. Sure, Melissa McCarthy is well known for her patented brand of comedy, but she’s also proven herself to be a stellar actress, having delivered commendable performances across both film and television. Her roles in Feig’s own movies Bridesmaids and Spy have received substantial praise, not to mention her impressive 7 year run as Sookie St.James in Gilmore Girls, and starring alongside Ryan Reynolds in sci-fi flick The Nines.

Kristen Wiig is another actress that again, has a solid background in comedic performances, but has also shown tremendous skill and narrative in everything from Whip It, alongside Ellen Page, through to the Chilean-American drama film Nasty Baby that did the festival circuit back in 2015.

Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones are also firmly rooted in the realm of comedy and are best known as regulars on SNL, but casting comedic actors doesn’t automatically turn the film into a joke. Hell, even the original was headed up by SNL regulars and that was a dynamic that worked – so what’s to say the new incarnation won’t do the same?

Every generation has it’s own movie staples, these are the classics that we look back on fondly and that have touched us on a personal level. They’re iconic memories, snippets of thought that shape who we are and what we love. There’s no denying that Ghostbusters touched the lives of so many people, but what’s to say the new film isn’t going to do that for millions of boys and girls out there? Why shouldn’t they have characters to look up to and idolise?

The new movie doesn’t erase the existence of the original two films, if anything it’s fleshing out the universe and giving rise to a new generation of Ghostbusters. Maybe the fans of the new incarnation will seek out the old ones, maybe they’ll be as enamoured with the world of Ghostbusting as you were! Think of it as looking at the bigger picture . ffn-image-51794325-ffn-set-60095416

You don’t have to like this movie. Nobody is going to waterboard you and force you to watch it against your will. It’s a basic fact of life that not everyone will like everything. Even I myself have a list a mile long of commercially successful and popular films that I despise with a fiery passion – it’s totally okay. The part which is not alright however, is lambasting children for taking joy from the new films, or attacking production teams for daring to touch a movie franchise and bring it to a new audience.

At it’s core, that really is all they’re doing. They’re re-imagining a world with new Ghostbusters, bringing a whole host of new adventures and possibilities to the existing universe. They’re giving little girls a new and exciting role model and showing them that they can be whatever they want to be! I’m not going to exaggerate and declare this to be a huge staple of feminist iconography, but it’s making equality accessible and relatable to a young audience , which really can only ever be a good thing.

I get where the protest is coming from, really I do. Change is scary and it can be daunting at times, to see something you have such a deep and long standing fondness for suddenly in the hands of someone you don’t know nearly as well. I know a reboot isn’t what a lot of people wanted, if anything they would’ve preferred a continuation of the originals, but that ship has long since sailed and sunk – and what we’re left with now is a world of new possibility.

This movie is getting people talking about and interested in Ghostbusters. Whether it’s the purity of the originals, the comics, the cartoons or the reboot – it doesn’t matter. You’re all fans of bustin’ ghosts. So instead of hating on a film that hasn’t even been released yet, maybe you could direct that energy into telling newer fans about why you fell in love with the movies in the first place. Maybe you can focus on the positive rather than shooting down a film that will, whether you like it or not, bring smiles and excitement to countless people.

Maybe at the end of the day, you can give it a fighting chance, before passing judgment.

 

Fight Club; The Matrix

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We have all seen fights on TV or in movies that make us flinch. Sometimes in a good way. Sometimes in a bad way. Sometimes because the fight reminds us of that terrible terrible fight between Kirk and the Gorn (which must go down in history as one of the worst fights of all time).

In the coming months I shall make it my aim to critique movies, TV shows, webisodes and perhaps even the occasional game for their portrayal of how good old fashioned Fisticuffs as portrayed in those formats work in the real world. I am not going to look at those movies or TV shows that exist within some sort of fantasy reality (although all movies and TV shows are in fact fantasy, yeah, I get that). Rather, I am going to look at movies and TV shows that try to be “real world”.

What makes me want to judge and critique them, I hear you cry. Well, in addition to being a 3rd Dan in Karate, I am also a G1 in Krav Maga. Further, not only am I a full-time private security operative, but I also own a private security company.

No, not one of those security companies that wear shirts and ties to work and cock up making security happen at the Olympics like G4S, and no not one of those ones who hire burly bouncers by the name of ‘Dave’ or ‘Steve’ or ‘Jon’ and who only know words that have single syllables. Not that there is anything wrong with G4S or Dave or Steve or Jon. They all do their jobs and do them well. Except Jon. He is a bit of an ass. More on him in future instalments.

Anyway, back on track.

I will look at what happens when the valiant (or cowardly) protagonist gets hit about the face and walks away without so much as a cut lip. I will look at scenes where the protagonist (or in some cases the ne’er do well) gets a leg up in a fight when in fact they would realistically have been beaten down so easily that a toddler armed with nothing more than a slightly frozen Haddock would have been able to do better.

First up is of course everyones favourite Sunglass wearing, Trenchcoat donning, Cardboard Cutout Acted, Bullet Dodging movie;  The Matrix.

If there is no spoon, how does one eat soup in the Matrix?

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Of course, when guarding a heavily fortified building, one needs only a shirt, a tie and a newspaper to prevent any transgressor from entering.

 “Would you please remove any metallic items you are carrying.  Keys.  Loose change.”  The brave security operative witnesses our valiant protagonist  pull back his trench coat to reveal a plethora of firearms.  “Holy Shit!…”

Wherein our brave security operative gets cracked in the chest and somehow (despite the weight of the security operative and the physics involved) flies backwards and in slo-mo. Everyone loves slo-mo though, so I am not going to get hung up on that. That is right folks, I am looking squarely at ‘That’ fight scene in everyone’s ‘Marmite’ movie, The Matrix.

Reading a newspaper whilst on duty? Gross negligence. Had he lived, he would no doubt have been subject to a disciplinary and probably fired.

At this point, our valiant protagonist pulls out his guns and proceeds to shoot all of the security operatives to death.

Now, hang about, but why in the hell were the Security operatives guarding a location and not wearing body armour? I mean, do they have no idea of the concept of risk assessments? Also, why was that one security guy reading a newspaper whilst on duty? If any of my security operatives were to be caught doing such a thing they would be quite soundly beaten across the face for incompetence.

Sorry.

Well. That ended badly for our brave Security Operatives.

Let us get back on topic.

We now witness our brave protagonists shoot to death the last remaining security operative, using a stupid amount of ammo (Y U Americans no shoot good?), before seeing a small army of heavily armoured (my kinda guys!) security operatives emerge from a side room.

Of course, no amount of sharp flying concrete would ever even so much as ruffle our protagonists hair, let alone give him a bit of a cut or scrape.

What follows is a lengthy gun battle wherein despite being in a very small and enclosed space, and despite the security operatives firing countless rounds of ammo, no damage is done to our brave protagonists Now, even if they did not get hit by a bullet, given the proximity to the rounds impacting the surroundings, they would at least have suffered some lacerations, scrapes, even maybe an owwie.

Now, I am going to ignore the gun bit of the fight for the most part.

Body armour is of course notorious for its inability to protect the wearer from kicks. Bullets yes, stilettos, no.

Did you see the bit in the fight where Trinity, one of our brave protagonists kicked a security operative squarely in his ballistic vest and that operative dropped to the deck as though he had been “Shatnered” ? Yeah. That doesn’t happen. I have been proper full on smacked in the chest whilst wearing my vest and I can assure you that it doesn’t take you down in a Shatner fashion. It may wind you a bit, but in general if you have body armour on and someone punches you or kicks you, you mostly dust yourself off and go “My, that was rather unpleasant. Care to stand still whilst I detain you or shall we punch each other until you fall down?”

Even Kevlar helmets are no match for a protagonists boot.

Again, I am going to try to ignore the incompetence of the security operatives and their failure to work as a team. They just stand there shooting. Fire and manoeuvre perhaps? You know, advance? Lay down cover? No. Clearly just standing and going PEW PEW PEW and only hitting concrete is what they have been trained to do. And when the protagonists close in, what do our security operatives do? That is right. They stand there and get kicked in the head.

As a security operative myself, I want to root for my compatriots in this fight, but their overwhelming ineptitude leaves me hanging my head in shame at their inefficiency. It is almost as though G4S provided the security for that building or something.

If it were me, the second that first gunshot was fired, the whole building would have been locked down and EVERYTHING would have been deployed in full force (as in all security doors auto locked, every security operative deployed, and immediate liaison with outside authorities as to the nature of the threat). But if that were to happen, our brave protagonists would have been killed to death in the face and the Matrix movies would have ended there and then. One must remember that Neo was not the big bad uber hero that he would become later on in the franchise. At that point, he was merely an emo with a trench coat and some guns..

All done and not a scrape in sight. I dont know what foundation makeup they wear, but it must be bloody good to cover up all the blemishes they would have sustained during the fight.

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So.  That is the Lobby scene in The Matrix looked at.  Whilst not exactly 100% ‘real world’, we had to start somewhere and that seemed as good a place as any.

Now, let us move on to next weeks critique of a Movie / TV fight scene.

Tell me which fights really get your goat. Tell me which fights really intrigue you. Tell me which epic battles leave the protagonist walking away from them unscathed when in fact they should be needing a lie down and a chiropractor.

Come and have your say, and let us see if we cannot put the world of TV and Movie fights to right.

Bye Bye, BBC Three

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When it was launched in 2003, BBC Three’s remit was “to bring younger audiences (16-34) high quality public service broadcasting through a mixed-genre schedule of innovative UK content featuring new UK talent.”

Nearly thirteen years on and the BBC will be pulling the plug on the young station, slashing its budget by 50% and moving all of its short form content online. Why you ask? Funding, it seems. The decision is not a popular one, with many well known personalities speaking out against the move including Daniel Radcliffe, Matt Lucas and Jack Whitehall. There was a campaign to “Save BBC Three” and even a poll conduced by ICM found that a large majority of people are against the move. I for one am in agreement. Where else am I going to get my share of uninterrupted nightly Family Guy and American Dad doubles? Sure I can get them online but sometimes you just want something just to be on the telly after you come home from work, like a televisual comfort blanket .I’m genuinely going to miss it. Let’s hope they don’t axe BBC Four! Where else am I going to get my highbrow prog rock documentaries and foreign language dramas?

So on the 16th of February raise your glass for BBC Three and let Geek Pride take you back and look at some of the best shows the channel has produced.

Monkey Dust

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One of the original shows for this new channel, Monkey Dust was a sketch show with a variety of animators sharing their vision of a dystopic, Blairite era, Cruel Britannia. Laden with memorable characters (notable mentions to Ivan Dobsky the meatsafe murderer, The Peadofinder General and Clive the Liar), some extremely dark humour, and accompanied by an amazing down-tempo soundtrack, Monkey Dust was perfect for the BBC Three audience looking for something a bit more edgier than Channel 4 (which by then lost all its street kudos by constantly showing Big Brother)

AD/BC A Rock Opera

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The greatest story never told …in rock!!!! AD/BC was a one off gem of a comedy written by all-round legend Matt Berry and stars many familiar faces including Julian Barrett, Richard Ayoade, Noel Fielding, Rich Fulcher, Matt Lucas and Graham Linehan. This is a pitch perfect parody of the campy 70’s rock musicals such as Jesus Christ Superstar and Godspell which tells the story of the innkeeper of the nativity fame. The tunes are surprisingly memorable; all penned by Berry himself. In fact you should really check out his solo albums, they’re really good. But I digress. Chances are you didn’t catch it the first time round back in 2004 but never fear! That’s what YouTube is for. I’m hoping this becomes a cult Christmas classic up there with It’s a Wonderful Life and Die Hard.

Snuff Box

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Sticking with Matt Berry, this one series comedy created in partnership with Rich Fulcher was very far out. Berry plays the official hangman to the King of England along with Fulcher as his assistant. Snuff Box blended dark, avant-garde humour with a main plot line interlaced with some very surreal stand alone sketches, some of which have gathered a cult following on YouTube.

Little Britain

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Little Britain was the show that made Matt Lucas and David Walliams household names. Their mix of bawdy pantomime-like sketches pushed the boundaries of both humour and taste. So popular that it even got it’s own American spin off and is syndicated on the mainstream Beeb. Love it or loathe it, we all can’t say it hasn’t made an impact with many of the shows catchphrases entering the English comedy vernacular.

Gavin and Stacey

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BBC Three was also the launch pad for Ruth Jones, James Corden and Matthew Horne’s story of cross-country love between a Welsh girl and an Essex boy. The show captured the hearts of the nation and became an audience and critical favourite winning manys a BAFTA.

My Murder/Murdered by my Boyfriend

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BBC Three wasn’t all fun and comedy; the channel was known for producing some quality ground breaking documentaries and dramas that focused on pressing current issues with todays youth. Murdered by my Boyfriend was a critical success in highlighting the issue of domestic violence for young women garnering its leading lady Georgina Campbell a BAFTA for her performance. My Murder focused on the true story of London gangs and their tragic consequences and starred a then unknown actor named John Boyega.

The Mighty Boosh

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Noel Fielding and Julian Barrett headed up this wacky surrealist comedy vehicle which could only have a home on BBC Three. Following Howard Moon, Vince Noir and their friends appearing in different contexts in each season. A continuation from their stage roots, Mighty Boosh has a fervent cult following which remains to this day.

Don’t Tell the Bride

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Chewing gum telly at its best. Find a young couple who are getting married, give the fella a budget, three weeks and lets see what mess he makes of it. Laughs a plenty in this reality TV show that was always worth a watch when you were flicking through the stations.

Snog, Marry, Avoid

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More chewing gum TV, this is one me and my sister would watch. The fashion police are out in force with POD, the snarky robot that’ll turn you from fashion disaster to catwalk king! A guilty pleasure I must admit.

The Revolution Will be Televised

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I always thought this programme had balls! A politics show for the Wikileaks generation. Hosts Jolyon Rubenstein and Heydon Prowse were never afraid to take the big issues head on whether it was turning up on the steps of MI6 with a mobile rave, gate crashing the Tory party conference or door stepping some very powerful politicians. A show that told it like it was and had the facts to back it up, this was the stuff BBC Three was made for.

Summer Heights High

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Although not a BBC original per say, Summer Heights High was Ozzie comedy gold! Chris Lilly flawlessly embodied the three extremely believable characters of islander teenager Jonah, rich bitch J’aime and camp drama teacher Mr G for this spoof fly on the wall documentary. If you haven’t seen any of his shows then what the bloody hell are you waiting for? Go watch them.

Torchwood

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Whovians rejoice! Once the show came back to the screens in 2005 it paved the way for the Russel T Davis spin off. Torchwood (an anagram of Doctor Who don’t you know!) followed the story of our favourite immortal Captain Jack Harkness and his alien hunting team in Cardiff. A favourite amongst the Dr Who fan faithful, Torchwood eventually found it’s way onto mainstream BBC TV where it enjoyed 41 episodes.

What were your favourite BBC Three shows? Let us know in the comments.

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