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UK Government prepared for Zombie Apocalypse, no seriously

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Zombies

If you are reading this and you are clever then I am certain you have a Z Day plan ready. Whether it’s in your head or in a beautifully bound leather book, a plan is in place. So it is quite reassuring to read that the British government is also prepared.

According to the Daily Telegraph article a freedom of information act request has resulted in the revelation that this country is ready. The MoD replied to the member of the public inquiry with this:

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In the event of an apocalyptic incident (eg zombies), any plans to rebuild and return England to its pre-attack glory would be led by the Cabinet Office, and thus any pre-planning activity would also taken place there.

The Ministry of Defence’s role in any such event would be to provide military support to the civil authorities, not take the lead. Consequently, the Ministry of Defence holds no information on this matter.

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 So though the MoD are in the loop it seems that they will not be leading the efforts, that role is down to the Cabinet Office. This I do find reassuring, as films have taught us, if the military were to be given all the control then they would probably end up bombing heavily ‘infected’ villages without prejudice. Queue a dramatic story of how say 2/3 people race to leave said village whilst dodging needlessly aggressive zombies. Whilst it makes for a good film it doesn’t really help when you need people left to rebuild the country.

Back in 2011 Bristol City Council received a similar Freedom of Information Act request and gave more details by releasing a tongue in cheek redacted ‘Top Secret’ internal strategy document. This included information that in order to prevent mass panic staff are to listen for codewords in television and radio in order to “mobilise these contingency plans” and must “proceed to their pre-assigned emergency stations”.  It gives health and safety advice on killing zombies and under the “procurement implications” the document stated that Bristol city council had ordered suitable equipment for tackling the undead menace, “where possible, in line with our buy-local policy”. Adding “A catalogue of standard issue equipment – cuffs, stun guns, protection suits, etc – is available on the staff intranet.” It also highlights the Alert states describing the Pandemic status as a “concentrated outbreak, with infection levels over 30%”

The original request, response and the document can be viewed here.

It seems our fates lie in the ability of our civil servants to handle a zombie apocalypse  and whilst there have been criticisms that such plans are a waste of tax payers money, I say those people are just non believers and will be sorry when the zombies rise and will more than likely to be shambling around looking for brains. 

On This Day- 24th of December 1955

Have you ever heard of a happy accident? There are multiple examples that I can think of, but this one takes the cake.

In 1955, the Sears Roebuck and Co. in Colorado Springs, CO, printed an advertisement for children. It said that if you called the number they gave, you could talk directly to Santa Claus. The problem was that the number they printed actually put them through to the commander of Colorado Springs’ Continental Air Defense Command (CONAD) Center (you may know it as  Stargate Command, or SGC), named Colonel Harry Shoup. To avoid disappointed children, Shoup had his staff check the radar for signs of Santa Claus, keeping kids updated on Santa’s progress.

Seeing how much the children loved it, CONAD offered to do it again every year since then. It even continued when CONAD became the bi-national radar defense base for both the United States and Canada, renaming it to the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD). Knowing how valuable this tradition was, it has grown since then.

Since then, they’ve relied on volunteers (called “Santa’s Helpers”) to respond to these calls. To this day, television news crews would update viewers on Santa’s progress via the hotline, as part of their weather updates, on Christmas Eve. My parents grew up with it in that regard. Things changed forever in 1997, when NORAD launched a website for the tracker. This was how it really got my dad’s attention. He first showed it to me on Christmas Eve, 2000. I was 7 years old.

From 2004-2008, NORAD experimented with using Google Earth, originally having you download a specific KMZ file. Many felt that to be too much of a process, preferring less waiting time, so it was discontinued. In 2009, they put a Google Earth window into their website, which is still there. That’s how we update my five year old brother. If you go onto the site from January-November, it asks you to come back December 1, when it comes back updated. On the night itself, it even features CG videos of Santa flying over famous landmarks with narration, called the “Santa Cam”. Sometimes it’s a Helper, other times it’s a celebrity. In 2003 and 2004, the London video was done by Beatles drummer Ringo Starr, and Jonathan Ross narrated the same video from 2005-2007. Every year sees more landmarks.

What we might do this year is relatively new- last year, NORAD released an app for iOS and Android that gives you his current location, updating regularly and featuring a game similar to Angry Birds. University of Manitoba History Professor Gerry Bowler, this is “one of the few modern additions to the centuries-old Santa Claus story that have stuck.” He said that it, and other tracking efforts “takes an essential element of the Santa Claus story — his travels on Christmas Eve — and looks at it through a technological lens,” effectively bringing Santa into the modern day. I don’t know about you, but I agree completely.

You can find it here, at http://www.noradsanta.org/

The Top 6 Christmas Easter Eggs In Gaming

With just a few days before the big man comes and pays us a visit, it’s about time we spread some festive cheer! So with literally minutes of research, here it is. The definitive list of the 6 best Christmas themed Easter Eggs in gaming.

  

The EA Sports Commentators

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When anyone plays their fair share of any EA Sports games, the commentary tends to get more than a *little* repetitive. But who else remembers the first time they fired up their present of FIFA or Madden on Christmas Day to have a game before the turkey? For those that do, you will remember that instead of the usual guff, the commentators actually make a comment about the day and wish you a Merry Christmas!

The first time I heard that I literally stopped playing for a second. Sure, it’s a small thing to add on this list, but sports games are usually so mainstream that it’s an unusual place to find Easter eggs of any sort, and it’s a brilliant personal touch to include a message like that instead of the same exact sentence we always hear every time Rooney makes a damn pass.

 

Have a Holly Techno Christmas

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Secretly excellent third person shooter Crusader: No Remorse had one thing going for it, aside from the ridiculously destructive environments; the music. If you’ve never seen it think Wipeout style electronica and techno, just instead of racing you have wanton destruction and rifles that shoot ultraviolet rays at people to disintegrate them.

However as awesome as that sounds; fire this age old title up on Christmas Day and instead of a normal game you are thrown into an arena with no cover whatsoever, multiple versions of the hardest bosses in the game, every weapon…and techno remixes of traditional Christmas carols, and left to duke it out. Absolutely barmy.

 

 A Snow-Blanketed Simcity

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SimCity 4; a land where “weather” is an equivalent term for storms, hurricanes, meteors, volcanoes and giant killer death-robots. Yet take the time from your busy mayoral schedule and stop reticulating those splines for a couple of minutes to check in on your city, and you should see that if the elevation is high enough, part of, or even your whole city will be blanketed in soft white snow, making it look like a true winter wonderland.

There’s nothing quite like looking at a city of thousands of people that you have fostered from a couple of trailers and a water tower, and instead of rampant crime, power outages and striking teachers (if your city’s anything like mine), you see a tranquil and serene picture under the soft white snow. That is until you zoom right in, and you are able to hear each sim’s cries of dismay as they slide all over the roads thanks to the outdated public transport systems and potholes in the road. Probably.

 

A Borderlands Christmas Story

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One of the most loved Christmas films of all time was referenced beautifully in the original Borderlands a few years back; but this is also one of the harder easter eggs to find. There is a small shack in New Haven, Borderland’s main city. Inside this shack there is a secret basement that is only accessible during one short portion of the game, and if you miss your opening, it closes forever.

If you manage to get inside this basement, however, there’s a brilliant borderlands-themed Christmas setting consisting of a Christmas tree (pile of green junk in a vague tree shape), decorated with baubles (grenades) and presents (gun chests). Inside one of the “presents” there is an even bigger Easter egg in the form of a sniper rifle called Rider, which has the description of “Careful, you might have someone’s eye out…” on it in the inventory. This is an homage to the 1983 film “A Christmas Story”, where a young boy named Ralphie wants a “Red Ryder” BB gun for Christmas, but is repeatedly told by everyone “you’ll shoot your eye out!”.

Borderlands even goes a step further with the film references with a macabre foot-lamp on a stand in the basement; a reference to another scene in the film where Ralphie’s father wins a competition and his prize turns out to be a lamp in the shape of a fishnet-clad lady’s leg. The foot-lamp in the game even has a shield around it, a further reference to how Ralphies mother finds the lamp tasteless, and intentionally breaks it.

 

Christmas in the Sims Household

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The Sims games always have some form of festive Easter eggs somewhere, such as planting a pine tree outside and turning it into a Christmas tree, but the original game’s big red surprise was by far the best.

All year round you are able to buy items such as Christmas Trees and Fireplaces. Provided your incompetent sims haven’t set fire to the living room trying to light the fireplace, if you make sure your bachelor/nuclear family/arsonist is all tucked up in bed by 8p.m, none other than the big man himself will come down the chimney at midnight. You can then watch as Father Christmas leaves presents for your Sims, and if you leave a plate of cookies on a table, he will even wander over and have a munch on them as well, before he disappears back up the chimney.

There are plenty of games out there that redecorate their environments or stick a tree down somewhere and call it a Christmas Easter egg, but there’s something magical about seeing Santa himself come into your own family’s home and watch him leave presents for you and eat cookies; even if you can do it all year round. Well, it makes a change from offing your entire neighbourhood with a swimming pool anyway.

 

The Paragon City Ski Retreat

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Many MMORPG’s host special holiday events around this time of year, where they redecorate the cities and towns, and fill the game with special quests, items, costumes, even whole new areas. There are so many I could probably write a whole new article on them alone. Hmm…

Anyway, although they are not technically eater eggs as such (let’s face it, they are all pretty in your face), the recently deceased City of Heroes had one of the best holiday events of any MMORPG, so it deserves at least an honourable mention on the list. City of Heroes started off fairly basic, with the odd special superpower given out gratis, or “naughty and nice” presents randomly dropped in the game world. But then, City of Heroes went properly festive. They actually opened up a Ski Chalet and introduced Father Time to the story, with a special quest to travel to the Winter Lord’s Domain and rescue Baby New Year from evil Snowmen to save the world from a perpetual winter.

If that wasn’t enough to fill your stockings, the area even had multiple ski runs that you could slide down; and even competitions for the best time. Seriously! You could get badges and prizes for winning the slalom as a super villain! Sometimes I really wonder why a game like that was ever allowed to die. I blame you. Yes, YOU.

On This Day- December 22, 1944

Have you ever watched Charlie Brown, heard him say “nuts!”, and wondered how that came about. It’s an interesting story. It goes back to the Second World War, in one of our most trying times of the entire war, and it’s got probably the best misinterpretation I’ve ever heard.

We had invaded Normandy six months earlier, and we were on the warpath to Berlin. By December, Winter had set into France and Belgium, and it was the coldest in years. Nazi forces wanted to use this as one last attempt to hold back the Allies, culminating in their attempt to retake the city of Bastogne. This was one Belgian city, so it shouldn’t have been a big deal, but logistics was completely different back then.

Now, it’s easy to get supplies from one base to another with helicopters, but they didn’t have helicopters in 1944. This made roads, and intersections, vital choke-points. Upper echelons of the Third Reich knew that Bastogne held the fate of the Western Front. The problem was that the leaders in D.C. and London knew so as well. The problem was that while it was vital to control this city, what was deemed less important was adequate supplies. The nearest regiment was the US Army’s 101st Airborne Division. Some of the men didn’t even have boots, let alone the tools required to dig their foxholes. The Nazi’s sent in their 26th Volksgrenadier Division, and some troops from the 15th Panzergrenadier Division. When they began shelling, it wreaked havoc on the Allied troops. As it got closer to Christmas, the two factions were so close together that some of the Americans could hear the enemy singing “Silent Night” in German.

On the 22nd of December, German General Luttwitz sent word to General McAuliffe, commander of the 101st. He was confident that the Nazi’s would retake the city, and told McAuliffe that his only option was surrender. Infuriated, McAuliffe wrote a simple response. All it said was “Nuts!” Confused, the messenger asked for an explanation. He was told that it was the equivalent of “Go to Hell!”

Soon after, some American General Patton’s Third Army, primarily the  4th Armored Division’s 37th Armor Battalion, arrived to relieve them and aid them in punching through the line. McAuliffe went on the offensive, launching a major counterattack that would force the German forces to retreat. This choke point would allow for the Allied forces to send supplies throughout the area, signing the fate of the Third Reich. That, is a very merry Christmas.

Dust and Sand – Chapter 24 – By Sean P. Wallace

Chapter 24

Father Kilkenny leant against his lectern and took a deep breath before continuing. “For they are wholly given unto me from among the children of Israel; instead of such as open every womb, even instead of the firstborn of all the children of Israel, have I taken them unto me,” he said, speaking slowly, purposefully, saving his energy as much as he could.

Still, sweat poured from his brow as he read chapter eight from the Book of Numbers, not a popular choice but powerful nonetheless. The changes that Dust had made to his net of holy protection had made the chapel safer but sustaining it required even more from him than before. It was nothing he couldn’t handle for one evening but he would need a good rest after this.

His flock were laying down before him, peaceful as the saved, getting as good a night’s sleep as possible. The hope that this would be their last night here had settled them more than any promise the Father could have given. Even Emmett had decided to use his hospitality, though he shot Father Kilkenny the occasional dagger as he lay beside the chamberpots.

“For all the firstborn of the children of Israel are mine, both man and beast,” Father Kilkenny continued. “On the day that I smote every firstborn in the land of Egypt I sanctified them for myself. And I have taken the Levites for all the firstborn of the children of Israel.”

A deep howl, much like a wolf’s, heralded the coming of the Devil’s children. The Father was up to chapter seventeen when the horrible thudding of dozens of feet echoed out between Crucifix’s hills and the demons of the Badlands roared down and clashed against the chapel’s walls.

Instantly the Father’s protection flared and it did so with an ascendant grace that brought sweet tears to his eyes; his heart rose in his chest and he felt the strength of the Lord crackle across his skin. Golden energy poured into the chapel from each of its windows, so ubiquitous that no shadows were cast by the press or resting believers, and choruses of angels sang out the Lord’s praise. The influx of power and its golden light overcame his senses and surrounded him with a sweet world of the word of the Lord. The drumbeat of the demons’ assaults were the only sounds he could hear that he didn’t make himself, a deep and caustic rhythm.

In their time of need, He had come through. His joy overwhelmed any weakness he had been feeling and In this paradise, the Father roared out his faith and each word echoed into an endless golden plain.

Over time, the number of demons assaulting them reduced and the profane pounding lessened, presumably Dust’s work. The drumming had seemed like an intrusion into this heavenly golden sphere at first, something untenable in a small portion of rooted on Earth, but when the drumming disappeared entirely the Father found that it had sustained the rapture; the golden world faded in its absence and he found himself in his chapel once more.

Weakness and mortality flooded back into him. He had to catch himself to not fall to his knees now the Lord no longer propped him up. Gripping his lectern, his vision blurred and his ears rang. Copper covered his tongue as he caught his breath and when he wiped his mouth with the back of his shaking hand he saw crimson amidst his spittle.

“Are you okay, Father?” someone asked.

He looked up and saw Grammy Ridgewell, she who had screamed at a surprise scorpion, sat up in her make-shift bed. She was not the only one; his whole flock were awake now, unable to sleep through such brightness. The pale torch the Father read his Bible by cast them in deep shadows but he could see the mixed reverie and concern in their eyes.

The Father wiped his hand against the black material of his cloth. “I am.”

“I tell you what,” Jimmy said, looking round at Emmett in particular. The bar owner didn’t have his hair oiled as he preferred to so it hung loosely around his head. “I think many of us owe you an apology, Father.”

“What…” The Father couldn’t give a whole sentence without a second breath. “What… makes you say that?”

Jimmy stood. He picked up his bowler hat, a once-expensive thing battered by time, and held it against his chest. “Some amongst us have been making… comments about you Father. Such people have not trusted the way that you’ve been doing things around here.”

“Hey now!” Abel Ridgewell shouted. “Don’t talk like you weren’t amongst them, Jimmy.”

Jimmy turned red. “Well, I suppose I have questioned you as well. And I won’t hold myself out as a better example; I should’ve trusted you more, as should many of us. So I guess we all owe you an apology. I’m sorry Father.”

Many of his flock agreed, their apologies echoing around his chapel. The Father watched them beg his forgiveness and tears formed in his eyes. His flock had accepted him, come to trust him not only as a protector but as someone with the authority to talk about the Lord. As much as the strength and power of the Vatican’s magic had proved God was with him, this apology confirmed it even more; the Lord wanted him to know he’d done the right things, that protecting the Word was as important as he’d thought it was.

His cheeks twitched beyond his control, threatening to drip this expression of his joy onto his Bible. Before this could happen, he closed the book.

“I can’t tell you how much that means to me,” he said, wiping his eyes.

“Well, I ain’t apologizing,” Grammy Ridgewell said, crossing her arms. “I never doubted him for a minute. Not one minute. The church has always looked after us and ours and I didn’t expect anything less from Kieran.”

“Oh hush up, Emma,” said Liam Ridgewell, her husband of fifty years.

The Father laughed. “And I thank you as well, Emma.”

“I noticed you didn’t say anything, Emmett,” Mary said pointedly.

The drunk shot her a dirty look but continued his silence.

“Ignore him, Mary,” Jimmy said, casting a sly glance backward. “He doesn’t have quite so much to say when he doesn’t have a drink in him.”

The Father was too weak and too grateful to point out where said drink came from.

Grammy Ridgewell, though, had the gumption to say what he wouldn’t. “Well, you’re a time kind to talk when you’re the one who serves him all those drinks.”

That shut Jimmy up. He sat back down, shamefaced and quietened for the time being.

Father Kilkenny tried to step away from his lectern and his drained legs betrayed him, pitched him forward. The wooden stage rose to meet him like an ascending angel and smacked him. Hard. Air flew out of his lungs, taking a cry of pain with it.

His whole congregation got to their feet and rushed to help him, gasping and calling his name. Weakly, like a newborn, he tried to push them away but they helped him to his feet despite his protestations.

“You… you don’t need to…”

“You hold your tongue now, Father,” Abel Ridgwell said. His strapping form had wasted away during these troubled times but he was still as broad of shoulder as he was of accent. “You’ve spent long enough looking after us. It’s time we look after you.”

“Exactly.”

“Damn right!”

“Liam! Don’t you curse in the house of the Lord!” Grammy Ridgewell exclaimed.

The Father smiled. “Thank you all. I… well, thank you.”

Though they too were drained, his flock carried him over to a pew and lay him down like a fallen hero. It was an honor he scarcely deserved but maybe it was time to rely on his flock for a while. He closed his eyes and felt himself begin to slip away, fall beneath a restful sleep he felt the Lord had sent as a reward.

But then he realised Dust was still out there, was still fighting to protect Crucifix. He wouldn’t be able to rest until he’d asked after him.

“The… Wanted Man…What’s happened with… him?”

“You’re asking about him at such a time, Father?” asked Emmett, his tone poisonous and sly.

“Hush up!” Mary hissed.

“What’s happened?” the Father pressed.

He opened his eyes and caught Abel sharing a look of concern with his wife, Susanne, across the crowd huddled over him. He’d known his flock wouldn’t approve of Dust but that look showed a fear and unhappiness that he hadn’t expected.

“Can… one of you… check?”

No-one volunteered.

“Please? He… he chose to protect you. He… didn’t have to. He and his charge. A young woman, Susanne,” he said, lolling his head over to the young Mrs Ridgewell. “A young woman who… I want to know… is safe.”

Susanne Ridgewell, a small woman but a tough one used to hard work and graft, looked at the floor. “Go and check, Abel.”

“They’re probably okay,” Abel complained. “We can’t hear nothing.”

Abel was right; the town was silent. The Father didn’t know if that were a good thing or a bad one. And not knowing gnawed at him. What if Dust was wounded, in need of aid that Naismith couldn’t provide? What if they were dead and the demons had merely halted to consume their corpses? He couldn’t rest until he knew how the battle had gone, until he knew it was safe to.

“Then I’ll… do it myself,” the Father said. He tried to sit up but half a dozen hands pushed him back down onto his pew.

“No, Father,” Liam Ridgewell said. “Abel’ll go and check. Go on, son, take a look.”

The tower of a man looked from his father to his wife. His shoulders sagged. “Okay,” he said before lumbering away to do as asked.

In the silence and the waiting, the Father felt the world float around him. He hadn’t known fatigue like it since he’d been out on patrol for the Texan army thirteen days out of fourteen during a period of heavy Mexican bandit activity. He wasn’t yet a Father then but he’d learned the importance of God when that thirteenth order came in and he rose onto bloody feet to do another sixty mile circuit. On their return, he and his unit had saluted a superior officer who cared little for immigrants then fallen into bed for a whole day. A similar period of rest would be needed now, no doubt.

Someone started speaking. The Father shook his head and tried to return to the present. With intense concentration, he brought the chapel back into focus and saw Abel Ridgewell standing over him like he were a toddler.

“Pardon?” he said.

“I said, there are a hell of a lot of demon corpses out there, Father.”

He smiled weakly. “And the… Wanted Man?”

“No sign of him. Or his… ‘charge’. It’s dead out there. Silent.”

That was probably a good sign. The Father took a deep breath and felt some tension leave his body; Dust, Naismith and Shadows Fade would be out there now, clearing up the last of the demons or interrogating the harriers. They might even find the nook where Penelope was being held by themselves, not need to bring out a drained old priest to rescue her.

Which, he realised, might have been Dust’s aim all along. He thought back to the strengthening of his chapel; whilst he couldn’t disagree that it had worked, it’d dramatically drained the Father. He wouldn’t put it beyond Dust to have over-blown the protection to incapacitate him, ensure that he wouldn’t run out and risk himself to protect Penelope Chalmers as well.

His smile widened. “That cheeky git,” he whispered.

“Pardon, Father?” Abel asked.

“Nothing,” he said, closing his eyes and giving himself over to his tiredness. “Nothing at all.”

Then he realised that Abel hadn’t gone to the front door to check the outside world but the rear of the chapel. The thought swam through the fatigue’s thick waters but wouldn’t sink and let him go to merciful sleep.

Slowly, he opened his eyes and rolled over to face the back of the room. Shock jolted him; there was a great rend in the rear wall, one torn open by cruel fists while the Father was lost in his magic. One of the demons that had done the damage was still visible through the gap, a hunched mass of black muscles and sinews. It was motionless, a corpse, but horrifying nonetheless.

Father Kilkenny sat up quicker than he should and was assaulted by dizziness. No one noticed, his flock too busy tearing bits of wood from the other repairs to cover the hole. That wouldn’t be enough, not if the cult came back, decided to have another go when the place was unguarded. Or even if a wild demon wandered by; Crucifix’s wider wards were atrophied now, could easily be surpassed.

Unevenly, he got back to his feet. His clothing was lead around his shoulders, dragging him down and making his skin cold. The Father took a deep breath and stepped away from the pew.

“Sit down, you fool,” Grammy Ridgewell said.

“I can’t.” With a shaking hand, he pointed to the great rend. “Not while that remains.”

“We can defend ourselves,” Abel said.

The Father shook his head slowly. “I’m afraid not. The demons could be interested in us still. We can’t risk it. I can’t risk it.”

His flock shared looks of disbelief, of discomfort, as he took delicate steps over to his lectern. He hadn’t taken so long to walk somewhere since he was old enough to have his own teeth but he kept going and gripped the wood of his stage tightly when he was near.

“At least wait until we’re under attack again,” Mary pleaded. ” Please.”

He looked at her big soulful eyes, the eyes of someone scared that they would lose a friend. The Father supposed she might; he’d always known the Vatican-approved magic was extracting something vital from him but what he didn’t know was how much more of it he still had to give. However much it was, he’d gladly sacrifice it for his flock, to make up for the mistake that killed Margaret and so many of his flock, to make up for ruining their lives and their homes.

But… maybe he could wait a little. He held out his arm. “Alright. We’ll do this your way, Mary. Help me up.”

She gave him a small smile as she took his hand. “Sure.”

Mary took his weight and carried him up the small set of stairs beside the stage. The Father let her set him down by his lectern and he rested his head against it. Then he closed his aching eyes. It wouldn’t be for long. He promised himself that just before he fell asleep.

On This Day- December 21, 1937

It’s interesting how some major things can come to us. Today, in 1937, Los Angeles’ Carthay Circle Theatre premiered a movie that would start a cultural revolution. It was done by a then-unknown animator, and would gain a nationwide release three months later, when my grandfather saw it. This film would be the first of a long line of family movies, based on classic fairy tales, and spawning one of the largest media empires in history. This film was none other than Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

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Small time animator Walt Disney had very little success in the 1920’s. He worked for Universal, making Nickelodeon shorts for a living, when he was fired in 1928 in a payment dispute, and went on to create Mickey Mouse. Mickey would actually get him an Academy Award in Animation, starting a trend at Disney’s animation studio. Walt would spend the next decade making shorts, but he had an idea in 1934 that would forever change the game. No one had ever seen an animated feature longer than ten minutes, so Walt thought it would be groundbreaking to make a full-length film out of an animated feature, and he started by telling a classic story.

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Many critics thought that the film would become “Disney’s Folly”, a flop large enough to ruin the credibility of the Walt Disney Company. In a wonderful twist of fate, many of these same naysayers would partake in the standing ovation at the end. I don’t know about you, but I’ve only been to one movie that had a standing ovation. The dwarfs were featured on the cover of Time magazine six days later, and would eventually gross more than any other film released in 1938, such as Errol Flynn’s The Adventures of Robin Hood.

The film would go on to start a long running tradition of princess movies, using characters ranging from The Brothers Grimm, to Hans Christian Anderson, to Pyotr Tchaikovsky, to Mother Goose, to historical figures and folk legends. The Princesses would become an icon unto themselves, touching millions of children all over the world. Myself included.

The Hobbit: an Unexpected Journey ( 3D IMAX) 8GPP

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Straight to the point: no completely true to the book and so far not climbing the heights of  its predecessor, BUT still  extremely enjoyable and as much as its frustrating to have to wait 2 years for the end, I’m glad it has been padded out.

What we like

Trilogy cohesion – For those of you who have read Tolkien, you will know that his books each have their own personality and underlying disposition, dependant on when they were written. The Silmarillion, for example (though not published, or completely finished until after his death) was penned during Tolkien’s time in the Trenches of WW1, a fact very apparent by its bleak, and frankly disturbing nature; the pinnacle of which comes about when the children of Hurin, Turin and Nienor, are put under a spell by the dragon Glaurung and end up falling in love, only to be told in his dying breath; “dude, that’s your sister!” Or words to that effect.

The direct antithesis to this is The Hobbit, which, being written after the war and before WW2, is a friendlier, lighter hearted and childish affair. Simply written and easy to digest; a true children’s book and nothing like the Silmarillion. Lord of the rings on the other hand is a mixture of both, with a more complicated story and harder more adult edge, but still keeping with the charm of hobbit.

We know that Matt, so what are you getting at? Well It is this diversity / contradictory style that worried me when it came to adapting the books to film. Obviously, as I mentioned, Lord of the Rings was a happy medium and worked well as a film but the Hobbit is a kid’s book, it’s pretty silly in parts, and if they did stay true to the feel of the book then you would have two extremely contrasting trilogies. Something die hard fans and cinema goers (who haven’t read the books) would hate. Saying that, In the same breath, had they changed the mood of the film too much, to tie in with the hobbit, lord of the rings fan boys, like myself, would have ripped it to shreds for bastardising Tolkien’s memory. Can’t really win can they?

Thankfully Jackson has been mindful of the above concerns and being stuck between fan boys and a hard place, I can honestly say he has done his best to keep both sets of trilogies in sync with each other (stylistically), without undermining the childish charm The Hobbit exuded as a book.  By keeping in some of the songs and the more eccentric parts – like the talking trolls – whilst keeping a darker edge and cutting out the talking animals (so far), he has kept it similar enough to the style of Lord of the Rings films  all the while staying true to the feel of the Hobbit book.

 

Extra Padding – When I first heard that they were expanding the Hobbit into a trilogy I was very nervous. How could they do this without adding a lot of filling? ****GASP****

Filling to a LOTRs geek is like wondering into the Vatican, breaking out your Crayola and writing a new chapter for the bible, replete with phallic symbols and swearwords; It wont go down well. I therefore was really dreading the oncoming ‘new’ trilogy. Not only because it might not be any good but also, if it wasn’t, because it would taint the entire previous trilogy for me; then what would I do?! I’d be a lost, have to sell all my LOTR toys and resign myself to the west wing, where I could write abusive letters, in blood, to Peter Jackson for his betrayal!

Thankfully for me, and for P J, the extra padding (so far) was well placed and acceptable. It could even be argued that it added a lot more depth and background, not present in the book….WOW WOW WOW there Matt, what are you saying?! To accept that anything not written by the creator’s hand himself is good, and even better than the original, is paramount to blasphemy.. BE GONE WITH YOU!

Before you light your torches and run me out of town with pitch forks, films are by their nature, completely different creatures than books, and what you read in a book might not fit well in a film, especially as a lot of people tend to not read the book. Had the Hobbit been scene for scene, word for word, played out as written, I think you would have had a pretty tame kids film What Jackson has done, is take all the main bits and, using source material from other Tolkien works, expanded on it to make an enjoyable more adult friendly film, that explained the back story for people who hadn’t read the books.

Sadly not everyone – and I don’t understand why – has read all of Tolkien and so an explanation is needed about what people are doing, what places and things are, and what happened before. I for one am glad they did it because it added visual substance to expanded Tolkien fiction that probably wouldn’t have seen the light of day ( film )in any other instance. Granted some of these expanded bits do not completely tie in with the mythology but it captivated me well enough and I didn’t really care; I am very much looking forward to see what they do with the necromancer part, which is not mentioned at any great length within the book.

 

The Hobbit and the Dwarves– Really impressed by thechoice of actors for the company. Martin Freeman, played Bilbo exactly as I imagined him when I was reading the Hobbit, Richard Armitage made a brilliantly brooding Thorin and (being slightly bias) having James Nesbit as Bofur was a stroke of genius, especially as they let him keep his N.Irish accent. All the rest played there parts with distinction and brought this group of party loving misfits to life.

The Songs – I have to admit, I wasn’t too keen on the songs when I read the book and even more when I listened to the audio book BUT for some reason I quite enjoyed them in the film; especially ‘ Far over the Misty Mountains’ which was made a more brooding and sombre number than I think was intended when it was written. These kept the film in line with the book and so, ticked my fan boy box as well as entertaining me as a cinema goer.

Gollum – Gollum played by Andy Serkis; need I say more. Brilliant character, awesomely played. Just a shame that’s he won’t be in the rest of the films.. or will he?

The Unknown actors – there are a raft of lesser known actors in this film and I found myself trying to place them, which was enjoyable in itself:  Slyvester Mcoy (of Dr Who fame) as Radigast (who wasn’t in the book) was a strange and likable character. Barry Humphries (Dame Edna) played the Great Goblin annnnnd, this is the one that took me ages to figure out; Manu Bennett (of Spartacus: blood and sand fame) as Azog.  

 

 

Niggles

Cinematics – There was something about the way the Hobbit was filmed that I found slightly strange. A little ‘too real’? Its hard to describe to be honest but I felt as if I was watching a documentary about the making on the film, in parts, rather than the film itself; no gloss? It seemed as if they were doing things more to capitalise on the 3D than to give scope to the film and that didn’t really sit well with me.

A little too much CG – I’m not adverse to a bit of CG but I think they over did it slightly this time round, especially making entire main characters, like Azog CG.  It took away the rustic feel that the LOTRs trilogy had and made it a bit more… cartoony?

The little things – Ok, here it comes, the pernickety fan boy bit… I’ll try and keep it short. Unlike Lord of the Rings, which had to be cut down due to its shear size of THE trilogy, the Hobbit is a very short book and stretching it over 3 films should mean that everything will be kept? Sadly not. It seems that, along with the extra padding that has been added, they have also taken some creative licence with the original source material and I can’t help but have a pick.

  • Firstly, In the book, The trolls don’t steal the ponies, the Goblins do, when they are in the cave in the Misty Mountains. Also the floor doesn’t give way in the cave, a door opens up, the ponies are stolen and the company are assailed by goblins, and taken captive; Gandalf is also present at this point and takes out a few goblins with a flash of light, before slipping through the door.
  • Secondly, when Bilbo gets captured by the Trolls he is trying to steal something from their pocket to show he is a good burglar but is foiled by a talking troll purse that yells out and alerts them. He is not trying to get the ponies back. Also Bilbo does not play for time; Gandalf does by mimicking the trolls and causing them to argue with each other on how they should cook the dwarfs, until the sun came up.
  • Thirdly, Bilbo follows Gollum to the exit of the cave and makes for the door that is partially closed, it is here, because the goblins spot the shadow in the door that Bilbo loses his buttons while trying to escape.

Now obviously these are not major gripes but I just don’t understand why the change, especially on such minor things? It is not as if they would have confused the progression of the film any and I could understand certain deviations; like Bilbo being more heroic earlier on than in the book and defending Thorin against the Orcs (who aren’t in the book ); and Azog being the main protagonist (in the book he is killed by Dain at the Battle of Azanulbizar and doesn’t fight Thorin) as it would have been a pretty anti climactic end with out them, but I found some of the other alterations slightly bizarre and unnecessary.

 

Conclusion

Lord of the Rings was a film I wanted made all my life, something that when I found out about it, was my sole purpose in life to see. It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me stand and cheer at the end; I couldn’t envisage anything ever beating it. So when I found out about the Hobbit films, I was already a bit apprehensive.. not psyched. The Bar had been set really high and the book it is based on, although great, was no LOTR so I couldn’t see how it could get any better, and i’m sad to say I think I was right.

Don’t get me wrong, it fought hard, I Laughed and I nearly cried, but it just couldn’t push me to that rapturous applause at the end. All the parts were there and had it came first I think I would have scored it higher but it didn’t, so I can only judge it based on what came before and that was my favourite set of films, of all time, bar none!

Bearing the above in mind there are still 2 more films to come out and I have high hopes for the Battle of 5 armies, so hopefully something epic will come out of this and change my mind when all are released; until that point I’ll base my view on what I have seen and give it a well fought 8.

Episode 123 – The one where we Come across you…..

New Gameovercast Podcast is online. Press the link below orrrrrr, as always, subscibe on I-Tunes to listen

Episode 123 of the GameOverCast is up and at them!
This week Danny, Radarhead and Nijinsky(and kind of his make believe girlfriend) bring you games, news and the funnies.
In games we talk mucho awesome open Farcry 3, the crazy and unpredictable Hotline Miami, the dissapointing Hitman Absolution and the “not a game” 30 flights of loving!
We ALSO have a continuation of the Planetside 2 competition AND a frickin Sega game code give away for a Xbox arcade game!

123

IWOOT

IWOOT
IWOOT

IWOOT was launched in 2000 as an online retailer offering a selection of quirky, ‘off the wall’ gifts including gadgets, gizmos, toys, photo gifts, experience days and home and office accessories. IWOOT is an ideal gift shopping solution for those who have everything, a great place to buy things you really, really want!

You can find IWOOT right HERE!

This week in DC (12/12/12)

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I don’t get people who loudly proclaim their love for the Joker. I mean, sure he’s a compelling character, and one of the few comic book villains to be genuinely scary, but he is evil. But hey, if you’re twisted enough to see this guy as some sort of role model, you’ll be pleased to know that he’s having a really productive week of terrorising the Bat-family. First up, in Batgirl #15, he proposes to Barbara Gordon with the severed ring finger of Mama Gordon, who is sitting on top of a nail bomb just to make sure Babs says yes.

Oh, and did I mention he's wearing rollerskates?  He's wearing rollerskates.
Oh, and did I mention he’s wearing rollerskates? He’s wearing rollerskates.

Meanwhile, in Batman & Robin #15, Damien doesn’t fancy being tucked up in the Batcave on monitor duty like his dad told him, so he goes to track down the missing Alfred. Needless to say, it’s a trap, and the Joker does some truly hideous things to the poor boy wonder.

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Yes, that is Joker with his face on upside down, covered in maggots. It gets worse.

Over in Batman #15, Batman completely loses his shit. I hate to say this, but it’s true. He tells the young bats and birds that Joker doesn’t really know their identities (which is a bit of a stretch considering he targeted Batgirl’s mother, Red Hood’s girlfriend, Nightwing’s ex-girlfriend and Alfred fucking Pennyworth) Seriously, Bats, get it together. And what’s Joker doing through all this? Blowing up police officers to get Batman to finally love him. But he’s not stopping there! He reunites with his other true love, Harley Quinn, in Suicide Squad #15. Obviously he tries to kill her -that’s his version of turning up with flowers- but it’s the way he deals with Harley’s beloved hyenas that really hammers the point home that he’s a monster. And we put this guy on T-shirts. What the hell, society?

Meanwhile, in medieval Britain, the Demon Knights are dubbed the first knights of Stormwatch in Demon Knights #15, and the origin of Adam One is revealed!

Pictured: origins
Pictured: origin

In Superboy #15, Superman takes time out of his fight with H’El to nurse Superboy back to health. What a guy! And in Green Lantern Corps #15, John Stewart and Fatality work together to find and reunite the bits of exploded sentient planet Mogo- I love writing sentences like that!

Sadly, the rest of DC’s output this week is a bit ho-hum: pretty standard fight scenes between the heroes of the comic and a nemesis seemingly picked out of a hat. Let’s have a look at the fight list:
Deathstroke vs. Koschei the Deathless (Deathstroke #15)
Frankenstein vs. the Rot (Frankenstein, Agent of S.H.A.D.E. #15)
Grifter vs. the Suicide Squad (Grifter #15)
The Legionnaires and the Ravagers vs. the World-Killer (Legion Lost #15)
Team 7 vs. Essence (Team 7 #3)
The Ravagers -again- vs. Rose Wilson and Warblade (The Ravagers #7)
So, if you like mindless fight scenes, these would be the titles to check out. If not, maybe stick to the ‘Death of the Family’ arc.