THE BEST OF MARVEL
We’ve had AvX, AvX Versus and all the standard ongoings with plot arcs relevant to the AvX storyline, and now, just when you thought it was over, we have AvX Consequences. On the surface, it appears nothing much can come of this storyline apart from a finger-wagging moral of “Just say ‘NO’ to ancient omnipotent celestial beings, kids!” but it actually has a lot of intriguing plot hooks: what Hope will do now her destiny’s been fulfilled, the Phoenix Five being put on trial for war crimes, the new mutants suddenly popping up, the future of X-Men/Avenger relations and humanity’s response to the renewed mutant threat. Since most crossover events seem to end with a snap back to the status quo with very little actually changing, it’s nice to get a miniseries that deals with the aftermath- even if they are going to wrap it all up in five issues.
Red She-Hulk #58 (writer: Jeff Parker; artists: Carlo Pagulayan & Wellington Alves)
Red She-Hulk is one of those characters that’s always been on the sidelines for me. She sort of lurks around the edges of the various Avengers titles, and appears as a team player in the completely-average Defenders, but I’ve never really thought much about her beyond “Oh look, Betty Ross got powers. Good on you, Betty!” This issue changed all that. I wasn’t even aware that she had her own solo ongoing, let alone one that’s been going this long, but in just one issue she’s become one of my favourite superheroes. The US military is trying to replicate a combination of the super-soldier serum and gamma radiation to make superheroes that can be guaranteed to follow government orders. Betty objects. The new wave of super soldiers are brought to their knees in humiliating fashion by this badass red chick. Hardcore.
I haven’t read Ultimate X-Men since the last volume, and I declared myself done with it once I reached the bit where Jean Grey’s telekinesis was all done by little goblins. Obviously, this volume is doing much better, otherwise it wouldn’t be in my top picks list this week. But what’s so great about it? Well for starters, Kitty Pryde is the 17-year-old leader of a mutant rebellion, and that’s basically all you need. But if that’s not enough, how about a rousing speech that makes you proud to be a mutant (even if, you know, you’re not)? Or epic displays of mutant abilities fighting against The Man? Or the Ultimate Universe debut of Armor? Or Quentin Quire making out with Rogue? OK, that last one was a little gross. But that’s just one panel- the rest of it is just made of pure win.
The first issue of the AvX Peace Treaty opens with a page of sheer nightmare fuel, that I fear my flu may turn into hallucinations to torment me with later. The whole thing is pretty much a long tribute to the late, great Professor X, with a short break in the middle to give Cyclops a wedgie and tell him how much he sucks. Cyclops is replaced in the hearts of the hero population by his brother Havok, who is so much better as a person and also more attractive. Rogue and Scarlet Witch have a cat fight. Thor, Captain American and Wolverine round out the team, because it’s not the Avengers without Cap, it’s not a Marvel comic without Wolverine, and Thor is sexy. The team of villains that shows up randomly to unite Rogue and Scarlet Witch are a bit of a D-list ass pull, but the opening villain and the big bad revealed on the final page set a high standard for the rest of the series.
DON’T WASTE YOUR MONEY ON
Fantastic Four #611 (writer: Jonathan Hickman; artist: Ryan Stegman)
This is billed, in big letters on the front cover, as “The World’s Greatest Comic Magazine’s FINAL ISSUE” There are several things wrong with this. Firstly, that is far too many possessive apostrophes for one sentence. Secondly, it’s not the world’s greatest comic magazine. Thirdly, it’s not even the final issue, really; the FF series is still going strong so it’s not like the Four are out of work or anything. Bearing that in mind, this issue is decent enough, but doesn’t pop the way a final issue should- not with a bang, but with a whimper, as the saying goes. You could get it for the future value I suppose, but comic values are basically negligible unless you’re talking Golden Age. So, really, don’t bother.
ALSO
Say goodbye to the fourth wall- Deadpool’s still in The Avenging Spider-Man #13!
Loved AvX but thought it needed more rage-infected zombies? Marvel Universe vs. the Avengers #1 is for you!
Storm acts like Colossus’ creepily abusive wife in X-Men #37!
THE BEST OF DC
This miniseries ties in with the TV show currently being plugged across the top of every single DC comic. It’s a pretty bare-bones account of the first episode of the show, and I’ve pretty much only included it so I have an excuse to rave about how amazing the show is. It’s pretty amazing. They go to some pretty dark places (for instance, Speedy’s drug habit) which make damn sure to distance this show from Smallville, and Ollie provides a voiceover that sounds like it comes from a young Dexter Morgan. It takes the current trend for dark, gritty reboots and ramps up the grit and darkness as far as it can while still staying just this side of family-friendly. I’m a little dubious about some of the changes to continuity -Speedy is now Ollie’s little sister, for example- but it’s a great stand-alone series with a pretty intense twist at the end.
One of my favourite things about superhero stories is when they show us how damn hard it is. That moment where the hero is bruised and bleeding, and hauls themselves up off the floor for another round. Batgirl is just made of this. This issue opens with her dragging herself up to face the baddie who’s been knocking her down for the past few months, and earning herself a sweet, delicious victory. Where the story really goes above and beyond, is in its portrayal of the villain, Knightfall. Her backstory has enough of a twist to still be unexpected even to all us jaded comic fans, and the reveal of her masterpiece sucker punches the reader- not only because of Benes’ unflinchingly graphic art, but because of the dilemma that Simone places before us: there’s no denying that her victim deserves punishment, but does anybody deserve… that?
After a whole year of absence, Joker has finally returned to destroy the entire Batfamily! I was sceptical at first, as it doesn’t feel like Joker’s been gone that long, and they pretty much ripped the entire concept from previous continuity, just condensed it into one arc. BUT! They did a good job. Well, of course they did, it’s Batman and it’s Scott Snyder, you can’t go wrong. I think Joker’s body count in this issue alone is higher than his total for all appearances since 1940 (but don’t quote me on that) and they’ve changed his dialogue font to a truly unsettling creepy font which I will use on my Halloween cards… well I would if I gave out Halloween cards. And if all you Joker fans out there still aren’t convinced that he’s a complete monster who should be lynched, Harley Quinn’s heartbroken face says it all. Poor, poor Harley. I won’t be sleeping tonight, just in case.
The first issue of this miniseries, as you may recall from my earlier review, was a bit too full of smug cleverness for my liking. It settles down in #2, however, to just simply getting on with it’s plot themes of multiverse theory and Schrödinger’s cat. It’s quantum physics simple enough to grasp but complicated enough so we feel smart for understanding it. All intellectual circle-jerking aside, it actually presents quite an interesting story: every small decision Jon Osterman makes sets off a parallel chain of events, with little to no relevance to the actual decision made, but whatcha gonna do? Overall, I think it’s an entertaining way to get teenagers into quantum physics, but then again I’m very much aware that few people will consider this a good thing.
DON’T WASTE YOUR MONEY ON
Deathstroke #13 (writers: Rob Liefeld & Joshua Williamson; artist: Eduardo Pansica)
I always mistype the title of this comic as ‘Deathstorke’ which makes me imagine a stork flying through the sky, carrying a little bundle in its beak, and people look up and gasp in awe and say “Look, a stork! Is it bringing a baby to some lucky parents?” and the stork says “HELL no, I’m bringin’ DEATH, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!” (because the stork speaks with the voice of Samuel L. Jackson) and then it drops the bundle which is full of bombs, and then, apocalypse.
Which would be so much better than the “creative output” of Rob Liefeld. But he’s left DC in a temper tantrum that the kid with a crayon wedged firmly up each nostril looks upon with patronising scorn, so insulting him now feels a little pathetic, like I’m muttering “Yeah you better run” after the guy has thrown a table at the wall and stormed out of the saloon.
What was my point again?
Deathstroke isn’t particularly good this month, mostly just fighting and people occasionally mentioning how according to plan everything is going. Slade gets a few good lines, mostly in the narration, so I credit Williamson with this as he was in charge of the dialogue. Everything else is Liefeld’s fault. This sounds vindictive, but if you get top billing you must bear the burdens as well as bask in the praise. OK, I just can’t let this go- Liefeld has Grifter and Deathstroke, and he doesn’t even write them by himself like a big boy, he’s in charge of “plot” and he openly admitted that’s all basically mandated by DC anyway. HOW IS HE EMPLOYED IN THE COMICS INDUSTRY???
Oh wait, he’s not any more. Never mind.
ALSO
Hate Joker? Wish Batman was fighting zombies instead? Check out Batman & Robin #13!
Nobody messes with Amanda Waller’s nana! Find out why in Suicide Squad #13!
Raven! Pandora! The Phantom Stranger #1!